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“That is not the answer I want. FIND HER NOW!” I end the call.
I don’t understand why it is so hard for people to do what I order. If I could look for her myself, I would. But I won’t put her in any more danger because of me. For the first time in my life, I am cursing the fact I am a Manarch. My loyalty and dedication to the clan have never wavered. But how can I live by a code that could get Ava killed?
Chapter Seven
Ava
I'm sitting at a coffee shop,watching people living their lives while mine is falling apart.I guess it's not their fault. This pain isn't caused by them. But I hate how happy they look. I resent my dad. It's a terrible thing to say, but he put me in this situation. If he hadn't borrowed money, I would have never met Viktor. If he was a better father, I wouldn't be breaking into a million pieces. I would have been better for it. But is that really true? Do I truly wish I had never met Viktor? My time with him brought me to life. I wish I could scream to the wind that I don't love him anymore.
Nothing makes sense to me anymore. The colors were bright, the sun was shining, and life was great. But my world has shattered, and my heart is in pieces because of him. What a joke now that I look back. So many lies. He was with Fiona being with me. My world has come to a halt, and I can barely breathe. I can't help the tears.
“Are you ok?” The waitress asks.
“Yes, thank you for asking.” I put down a ten-dollar bill and leave.
I’m supposed to be tough. But without him, who am I? With Viktor, I thought I found the missing piece that brought a sense of completeness in me. He made me feel that my flaws weren’t important. In a strange way, he made me want to be a better woman. A better version of myself. My past didn't matter. It was about our future, our family. Our love was supposed to be our anchor in life. A love that brought light to his dark world.
I’m not sure if I can ever forgive him. He crushed our dreams. But it’s so hard not to think of him. It’s so fucking hard not to love him. My thoughts are often consumed by him, no matter how much I try.
It was just supposed to be a job. An arrangement. In and out. Over in a year. Where did it go wrong? Why did I let him break down my walls? Because being with him, I learned who I am. I learned that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. With Viktor, I felt less broken. Felt loved. I don’t regret the arrangement. I can’t regret Viktor. But I would give anything to erase what happened at the end.
I sit on a nearby bench and think of the first time I saw Viktor. The deep voice that woke me out of deep sleep in life. He was everything I imagined not wanting in my life. His hazel eyes remind me of the pleasure I felt every time he touched me. His betrayal is a contradiction to the man who saved me on the first night we met. But it’s hard to ignore facts. I felt empty and broken before him. He mended cracks I didn’t know existed. In one moment, he destroyed it all. But I'll love him forever. A part of him is growing inside of me. A product of the love we swore to always protect. I have to be strong. If not for me for the life growing inside of me.
As I touch my belly, I know Viktor and I will forever be connected even if he never learns the truth. I’m probably being selfish. But I can't think of Viktor or me. We don't matter. We no longer come first. I no longer can listen to my heart blindly. I have to let Viktor go, no matter how devastating it might be.
“I am not sure what is going to mean when you join this world. There are a few things I want you to know. I love your daddy, and I know he would love you just the same if he knew about you. We have made some questionable decisions. Those decisions have changed the trajectory of our lives. I need you to know love is beautiful, but it's also hard. Your daddy changed my life. But no matter what happens, I will always be here and love you unconditionally. I will protect you with my life.” The beep of a text goes off. I take my phone out of my bag.
Victor: It's obvious your love for me was not real. You left. You didn't give me a chance to explain myself. I wanted to build a life with you. But you have made your choice. It's time for me to move on.
His words are harsh. I want to respond and tell him I love him and that I will never stop loving him. But maybe it's for the best that I don’t. Maybe it’s best that he thinks the worst. Viktor and I are over and it needs to stay like that. I wouldn’t forgive myself if his father did something to him because of me. Now my life is a blank canvas. I can be whoever I want to be without Viktor. This is my fresh start. I can focus on this beautiful life growing inside of me. Have the life we both deserve. Viktor has to remain in my past. If I don’t, he will consume me. I know how this story ends. I’ve seen it. I don’t come out the other side. In order for that to happen I need to change my number and start fresh.
Chapter Eight
Ava
I can't believe it's been two weeks since I started at the House of Beauty boutique. I've loved every minute. The people are amazing, both coworkers and customers. It's nice, considering the last two weeks of my personal life have been a nightmare. After finding out I am pregnant, I can't seem to focus on anything. Every night I stare at the ceiling, thinking of reasons I shouldn't call Viktor. I'm beginning to feel pathetic. But I’m still conflicted. I don’t know what to do? My only consolation has been Lisa. I'm grateful for her. I wish I had Tina, but that is not an option. Despite not knowing Lisa long, she tries to be here for me. Nothing big, of course. But these days, any little thing is better than nothing.
The clock reads nine, my cue to get my skinny ass to the bus. Another routine I like. Taking the bus gives me time to think and reflect on life. But I don't want to think too much. When I let my thoughts wander, they land on Viktor, and I can’t have that. It’s a sure ticket to crying a river. Instead, I've been trying to read on the bus. This week I'm readingThe Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy. Anything to shut my brain off.
At my stop, I get off. It amazes me how quickly I adopted a routine. I walk to the bakery and get my morning pastry. My guilty pleasure since I have to limit my caffeine intake. I grab Maddie, my supervisor, her usual. She didn't ask me to get it. But she has made me feel so welcomed, and I don't mind. Work has been about the only good thing these days. Well, maybe besides my baby.
"Good morning," I greet as I enter the boutique.
"Good morning, Ava. You really shouldn't spoil me," Maddie says as I hand her usual.
"I'm not spoiling you." I put my bag behind the counter. "How has it been?"
"Slow, but it's early. We need to enjoy these quiet moments. New jewelry came in. Do you mind setting them out?"
"I would love to."
For the next hour, I lose myself in clearing the case of all the jewelry to clean it. The task is almost mechanical, which I'm enjoying. I put all my energy and focus into making the display look shiny and beautiful, making me not have time to think of anything else. I dust off the current jewelry and put them in their respective boxes. I want it to look new and inviting.
"Wow, that looks great." I look up at Maddie.
"I hope you don't mind."
"Not at all. I can't remember the last time the display looked this good."
