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“I’m sorry Viktor. I…” I start.
“Please don’t stop or apologize.” He walks over and pulls a chair to sit beside me.“You have no idea how beautiful you look. You are an amazing woman and mother.”
We sit in silence as I feed Aisling. I have a connection with Aisling I don’t understand. This overwhelming feeling like she is mine. She feels like a part of me. I burp her and lay her in her bassinet. I take a step back and look at her.
“I don’t understand it, but I feel so connected to her. It’s like an unexplainable pull. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to breastfeed her.”
“You don’t need to apologize. You have no idea how happy it makes me that Aisling has the warmth of a mother, even if it’s for just a moment. Fiona has never been that for her.” It breaks my heart. I know what I want to do.
“Would it be ok if her bassinet is moved to my bedroom along with Niko? I want them both close to me.”
“You don’t have to do that. I didn’t bring you home to take care of Aisling.” I take a deep breath. I want to tell him this is not my home, but it’s not the place or time.
“I want her bassinet moved along with Niko’s.” This time I order.
I start walking to my bedroom to make room for both of them. I move anything obstructing both sides of my bed. Minutes later, Angus, Oliver, and Viktor come in with Aisling and her bassinet.
“To my left,” I instruct. I walk over to Niko’s bedroom to get him. With him in my arms, I walk back to my bedroom.
“Do you need anything else?” Viktor asks as he walks in with Niko's bassinet.
“Would it be too much trouble to move one of the gliders to my bedroom?”
“No.” He smiles and leaves.
Fifteen minutes later, everything is in place. Oliver and Angus say their quiet goodbyes, and I thank them. Viktor lingers. We occasionally look at each other, but we don’t say a word.
“I should probably try and take a nap before one of them wakes.” I finally say.
“Right.” He stands awkwardly in front of my bed.
“I’m not sure what your routine is with Aisling. If you want to stay, you are welcome.” I get in bed.
“Are you sure?” He smiles.
“Don’t make me change my mind,” I answer, eyelids getting heavier. This mom thing is not going to be easy. Especially with feeling like Aisling is my daughter too.
Chapter Forty One
Ava
It’s been nearly a month since I moved back to the mansion. We finally have a routine. Aisling and Niko take all of my time. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t happy. I’m exhausted all the time, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. That is not to say there aren't brief moments where I just want ten minutes to myself. Viktor hired a second nanny to help, but I barely let them do anything. I have never felt so protective of someone as I do of them. They need their mother, not a nanny. Shit, what am I saying? I am not Aisling’s mother. Yet, I feel I am. As much as I despise Fiona, she is Aisling’s biological mother. The question is, would I let Fiona take her if she came for her? I know I probably wouldn’t. I will protect Aisling at any cost.
I can’t believe she has not come to make an appearance to see her since I've been here. I would think she would have shown up since I am here, and she hates me. I suppose I should count my blessings. Today Anita is coming to spend the afternoon with us. I’m glad she is. She is a wonderful grandmother. There is a soft knock at my door.
“Come in.”
“Ms. O’Brien, I wanted to check in and see if you needed anything?” Aisling’s nanny, Brenda, asks.
“I’m fine. Is Aisling still sleeping?”
“Yes.”
“Perfect. I’m going downstairs to check on things. Get me if she wakes up.”
“Ok.” She leaves as quietly as she came in.
“This is as good as it’s going to get,” I say to myself as I take a last glance in the mirror.
