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I loosen my tie and unbutton the top of my shirt. I walk to the bar in desperate need of a drink. There are almost three hundred people here, a mixture of both families. I’m surprised a fight hasn’t broken out. Then again, we are at my father’s house. Everyone fears him, even Cillian. The bartender pours a drink which I finish in one shot. I ask for another and do the same. I’m on my third when Tina touches my shoulder.
“How are you holding up?”
“I’m not in the mood.” I drain half of my third drink. She looks around, and I follow her gaze.
“What is it?” I ask her.
“I spoke to her earlier. I told her you were getting married today.” I turn to her, anger rising. Her hand drops, and she takes a step back.
“Why the fuck would you tell her?”
“Because I didn’t want her to find out any other way.”
“What did she say?” I finish my drink and ask for another.
“Nothing. She sounded like she was going to cry. She ended the call before I could say anything else.”
“You didn’t have the right to fucking tell her.” I turn to walk away. She tries to stop me.“Don’t. You have done enough damage as it is.” I keep walking.
There must be a million things going through Ava’s head. This is a truth that even the strongest person might not be able to handle. I am sure she thinks I betrayed her. But she needs to give me a chance to tell her what happened. If she knew the danger she is facing, she would understand why I had to marry Fiona. I don’t love Fiona. She means nothing to me. The moment the child is born, I’m leaving her. I need Ava to know the truth. It’s always been Ava, even before I knew. It just took me a long time to find her. To get to a point where I could admit the truth in front of me. Ava gives me the strength to go to war if I have to. I love her. She needs to know it’s the only truth that matters.
Chapter Five
Ava
“Good morning. I’m here for my nine o’clock appointment.” I say to the receptionist at the OB/GYN clinic.
“Good morning. Name?” The receptionist asks.
“Ava O’Brien.”
“Sign in. Fill out the forms and return them to me. The nurse will call you.” The receptionist hands me a clipboard with a book of forms.
I find a seat in the corner. I never imagined I would be in an OB/GYN clinic alone, waiting to learn if I'm pregnant or not. There are a few women sitting in all different stages of pregnancy. It’s surreal. I could be one of these women. I shake my head, trying not to think of Viktor and focus on the forms. Most of them ask about medical history. I’m on the last page when I’m called. I’m a ball of nerves. Being here alone makes the void of Viktor’s absence that much bigger. I don’t get to share this moment with him. He is a married man who is expecting his first child with – his wife. The thought makes me want to cry. How did things get this bad? But I guess it doesn’t matter. I follow the nurse who leads me to a room.
“Pee in this cup. Then take everything off from the waist down. Here is a gown. The bathroom is the door on your left. Set the cup on the counter.” She hands me the cup and points to the counter. She is so cold and transactional, making this moment even harder for me.
“The doctor will be with you soon,” she adds.
“Thanks,” I tell her.
She leaves the room. I set my bag down and go to the bathroom. Lucky for me, I don't have a shy bladder. I change into a gown. I feel so alone. But I need to get used to it. This is my new reality. I sit and wait. Every minute that passes feels like an eternity. The nerves aren’t helping either. Finally, there is a knock at the door.
“Good morning, I'm Dr. Laura Bolan.” The doctor smiles, bringing me some comfort.
“Hi,” I shake her hand.
“What brings you in today?” Didn’t she read the forms I filled out less than twenty minutes ago?
“I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive.” She looks at me.
“Let’s prop your legs and take a look.”
We go through routine questions. She decides to do a transvaginal. She talks while she is checking me. I imagine trying to make me feel comfortable. But there is nothing she can say that will change how I feel. My stomach is filled with knots. Because deep down inside, I know she is going to tell me I am pregnant.
“Congratulations.” She says. I close my eyes, trying to keep the tears away.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
