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“Good. Goodnight, Jaah.”
“Night, Cadence.”
I ended the call and finished my wine before burrowing beneath my covers. My mind was loaded with so many thoughts which had me pushing out a weighted breath, fighting the disappointment that began creeping in.
I knew I was crazy for thinking for one minute I would find something great. If it felt too good to be true then it was. How many times had I learned that same lesson. A lot.
Hewas too good to be true, yet the desire I felt flamed so intensely that it was impossible to escape. I wanted him, even with all the things I knew he was a part of that weren’t good for me. I still wanted him, even if just for a little while.
That was all it could be, a little while because my priorities were set. Gracie was the most important thing in my life and I needed her to have stability, happiness, and to feel loved.
That meant staying away from men who had the ability to turn our lives upside down. Even if Jaah wouldn’t, Sol certainly would and there was only so much he could do to separate the two.
I shouldn’t have allowed thoughts of having something simple creep into the dark corners of my mind because now that those thoughts were there—thoughts of him—they’d taken root and blossomed into a longing I didn’t know how to curb.
That was the problem. Men like him were destined to make you fall but were never there to catch you once you had.
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“Mommy, can I go paint?”
I lowered to Gracie’s height so that we were eye level. She bounced on her toes arms, locked at her sides, tiny fists clenched with excitement.
“You sure you want to do that now. We’ve only been here for a little while and you’re a messy painter, baby. You might mess up your clothes.”
I tapped her nose with the tip of my finger and it wrinkled before she promised, “I’ll be careful. Extra careful. And they have the bue things to put on.”
She pointed to another kid who was wearing a smock. A smock that I knew would do very little to contain the mess I was sure Gracie would make.
“Please, Mommy?”
“Okay fine, go.”
I didn’t care about her clothes, past wanting to get some good candid shots of my little ball of joy, but I also knew a little paint would make the memory that much sweeter.
“Thank you, thank you. I promise to be way careful,” she sang as she took off toward the center of the park where there were kid-sized easels set up along with tables that held plastic trays filled with paint and brushes.
I lifted my camera and fired off shots, following Gracie until she reached her destination and was set up, turning to wave at me with a smile that was as big as the world.
I captured a few more shots of Gracie in action before I began grabbing a few candids of the crowd. The energy was peaceful and happy.
Bright blue skies, green grass, and smiling faces. There was chatter from kids playing and their parents’ conversations nearby.
“Me being here might not be the best idea. I’ve been getting dirty looks from a bunch of parents who pull their kids closer when I walk by.”
My smile surfaced before I actually turned to take in the body that found its way beside mine. He smelled good. Like cedar wood and something sweet. Possibly honey.
Today he was dressed in shorts made out of thick cotton material similar to sweats and running shoes that likely cost more than my camera. The way the sun kissed his brown skin making it glow was pure perfection.
“You don’t look like a danger.”
He smiled, glancing down at me, before adding, “Yeah but I’m a single man in a park full of families and kids. I don’t fit in.”
“No, you don’t, but it doesn’t have anything to do with you not having a kid and more about the fact that one look is enough to decide that you don’t belong.”
“You really think I look all that different?”
“You’re easily the best dressed person in this entire park and I would be willing to bet you just threw on something with little to no thought about what it cost or looked like because everything looks good on you.”
