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I remind myself it’s only temporary, and that deep down I’m happy they are reunited. But the deep down is cluttered with the growing hysteria I struggle to hide.
As much as I’m trying to hold myself together, I burst into tears when the time to say goodbye comes.
“Jesus, Mom, it’s two days.” Sebastien rolls his eyes and hugs me briefly. Part of me knows this is his typical I-am-embarrassed-by-my-mother behavior that started two years ago, but part of me still blames Massi.
“I’ll take good care of him,” Massi says.
“I know. I just missed him so much and… anyway, have fun, and call me if you need anything.” I pivot on my heel, almost losing my balance, and stumble away, leaving them at the table.
Mila joins me at the door. “It’s early afternoon, but I’m happy to get started on those drinks.”
* * *
We order cocktails in a small bistro near Casa Cassi, but not even the ever-positive Mila can lift my melancholy.
“You should focus on good news.” Mila plays with her straw, stirring the ice in her mojito.
“And what would that be?” I wrap my arms around my shoulders and slouch deeper on the upholstered bench.
“The two of them hit it off. It could have been all kinds of awkward, but they took to each other well. And Sebastien has never had a father figure in his life aside from the ignorant and absent Frederick, so having one now is good.” Mila takes a sip.
She is right. Absorbed by my jealousy, I haven’t appreciated that Sebastien didn’t fixate on not knowing his father for years, but rather dove right into it. And Massi put his anger aside and focused on the relationship with his newly discovered offspring.
Well, his anger was probably still aimed at me. And for all the right reasons. While I was consumed by fear and then jealousy, the two of them effortlessly started exploring the new dynamics of our family.Ourfamily?
“Yet I still feel like an outcast. Like everyone has gained something today and I’ve lost.” I hate how defeated I am.
“You’ll feel better tomorrow. Today is tainted. I know it’s not ideal that Frederick broke the news to Seb and that Massi had to find out this way—”
“That’s my point though. I lost control over the situation and by default the right to demand their time, their forgiveness.”
“Oh, please, stop with the fucking drama already. Do you really think, they will cast you out forever? You’re Seb’s mother, and Massi will get over himself, eventually. Shitty timing will not derail the future.”
“It’s my betrayal that will. Or already has. Mila, I’ve never felt this isolated, and I’ve been lonely most of my adult life.”
“Okay, let’s stop whining. We’ll order another round and figure out how you can show them you love them. We’ll fix everything.” She gestures for the server to get us more drinks and looks at me with expectations.
I can’t stop Massi and Seb from spending time with each other. It hurts I’m not with them, but I see how that is my fault. I know Seb will hear me eventually and hopefully understand why I acted the way I did. Hopefully even forgive me. But will Massi? Not only did I keep him from his son, but I also sabotaged his business.
And then it hits me. I can show him I didn’t do that on purpose.
“I need to go.” I grab my purse, throw two twenties on the table and kiss Mila’s cheek before I shuffle out of the booth.
“What’s going on?” She watches me with wide eyes.
“Sorry, we’ll go out together soon, but I need to start fixing things.”
* * *
“Gina? I didn’t expect you,” Bianca says and turns on her heel, so I follow her.
“I’m sorry I came unannounced, but I wanted to talk to you.”
When we enter her spacious kitchen she leans against the countertop and studies me for a moment. Under her scrutiny, I momentarily forget what I came for. But this woman practically supported my decision to leave Massi all those years ago, and I feel a strange need to explain everything to her.
I swallow hard. “You have a grandson.”
She raises an eyebrow, but otherwise stays eerily still for what seems like the longest seconds of my life.
