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Mila smiles at me and walks over. She looks disheveled and fatigued, but buzzes with enough energy to light up the city. Adrenaline probably.
“I didn’t want her to be alone,” she says.
“You’re a good friend. What the hell happened? Why were you even here?” I look around the place that holds so many memories from my first years of apprenticeship. Not much has changed here. The place is still heavy with fucked-up feelings.
Mila tells me what happened and I want to kill the fucker. He’s hurt my family so many times. My family. This is the first time I think of Blue and Seb as my family.
“Mom, let go.” Sebastien wiggles out of Blue’s embrace. Her face is awash with tears, but she releases him and our eyes meet.
Fuck, I wish I could hug her. Hold her and tell her everything will be all right, but I can’t. Our look stirs up all the feelings in me, all the love I don’t want to feel for her anymore. So I glance at Seb again.
“She was very brave. She saved my life,” Mila says and steps away.
Frederick is a sick bastard. I’ve known that since I met him. Since he first laid eyes on Blue, he was trouble. And she trusted him. She trusted him more than she did me. I’m so conflicted right now.
A part of me wants to take my family home, but the much louder part reminds me she chose him over me. Even after she knew she was having my child, she divorced me and married him. Fuck. I count my breathing a few times before I approach them.
“I’m glad you’re okay.” I sound like a robot. It’s not that I’m not honest. I am glad. It’s just having a normal, civil conversation is so hard when so many unresolved issues hang over our heads.
“I was hoping Seb could come home with me. I don’t want to be alone.” Her voice breaks and she sniffles.
Seeing her this vulnerable makes me physically sick. Again, my need to protect her, to help, is stronger than my own hurt over her actions. But then I spot the corner table where we dined with Frederick all those years ago, and a wave of regret washes over me. Blue was pregnant that night. And I didn’t like that. Fuck.
“But Massi and I have plans,” Seb protests. “You robbed me of sixteen years with him. I’ll be back with you tomorrow.”
“Seb, I just had a really shitty day. I’d really appreciate your support and your company. And we need to talk.”
“Well, I’m not ready to talk. You can’t force me to go with you. You kept things from me.” Sebastien rakes his fingers through his hair.
“Don’t talk to your mother like that.” Instinctively I step closer to Blue, as if protecting her physically. I’m an asshole here because I’m mad at Seb for not giving Blue what I’m unwilling to offer. While wishing the whole time that I could take her home.
Fuck.
“Whoa, you’ve been a father for one day and you’re bossing me around already?” Sebastien turns and walks out.
“Sebastien,” we both say at the same time.
He turns, unimpressed. “I’ll wait for you outside, Mom.”
“Ha, teenagers.” Mila snorts.
Blue exhales what sounds like years of tension and I find myself at a loss here. I don’t know what right I have to reprimand Sebastien because I don’t really know him. I don’t know how to parent a child, and I’m expected to parent a teenager. Shit.
I’m mad at him for not wanting to do what I’m not willing to offer. But as much as I still harbor resentment for Blue’s decision to never tell me about Seb, I don’t want him to feel the same.
She has raised a fine young man, based on my impression of him over the last day, and she doesn’t deserve this. Or perhaps she does. I need to get away from her as quickly as possible. She is confusing me.
“Thank you for standing up for me,” she whispers. We’re both staring at the door where Seb disappeared.
“Have you decided about the summer?” I say, again sounding like a robot. The colder I treat her, the easier it is to focus on the fact that she chose Frederick.
She sighs. “Massi, Frederick just threatened to cut off Mila’s fingers. Could we talk about this tomorrow?”
“Sebastien is really looking forward to it.” I can’t let her take him away from me.
“Well, for future reference, if your plans impact me, it would be nice and respectful to discuss them with me before you fucking get him all excited.”
She turns and walks away, leaving me feeling like an asshole. And I can’t even blame her.
