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I sip the hot coffee. “It feels longer.” I think back to the first time I saw him standing in the driveway, and my breath stalled while I tried to make sense of who he was.
He leans against the handrail and smiles. “I had been dreading the wedding, and then you appeared with a crazy amount of suitcases.”
I shrug. “Yes. But I’ve learned to pack everything in one small backpack, ski in the dark, scuba dive, and camp by myself.”
His gaze holds mine. “You have.”
“Thank you.” I take another sip of coffee. I don’t have much of an appetite. I don’t know where he is leading me.
Alex puts his cup down on the table. “We have to make some decisions today about how to move forward. Kate will be back in two or three weeks.”
I nod but don’t say anything. I know long-term scares him. Is he willing to make space for me, or does he want to retreat into his solitary existence?
He crosses his arms. “You’ve acquired certain skills, and your teaching background is an asset. The plan was to enjoy a brief escape together and then have you settle into a tour guide position here in Antiqua.”
I stop looking at him. He wants to send me home. I attempt to release the breath I’ve been holding, but my lungs feel too tight. I’ve listened to this speech a few times in my dating life.I need some space. It’s not you; it’s me.We can stay friends. It’s a terrible pattern that I always find myself in.
He lowers his voice. “But we’ve become too close for that. You know things about my past. And I know things about you.”
I glance at him. “That’s not a bad thing, Alex.” My voice sounds strong and resilient, even though I can feel myself crumbling on the inside. I have to stay strong and not let myself fall apart. I knew this was a possibility.
He pushes a hand through his damp hair. “It makes it difficult to keep a professional veneer in place.”
My hands start to tremble, so I place my coffee on the table. I want to suggest we keep seeing each other, but I stop myself. That is not what he wants. He wants to cut his losses and move on.
He stands up straighter. “We’re at an impasse. I don’t want a permanent relationship, and we’ve become too enamored with each other to pretend nothing exists between us. And you don’t want to let others know that we’re together. So, I see you returning to your life in New York.”
“You had me become certified to scuba dive and spend time alone in the forest. Why would you insist I learn those skills if you didn’t plan on offering me a position?”
Alex stays completely still. “Is that what you want, to end things and simply work for me?”
“I don’t know.”
“Bespoke Adventures is a billion-dollar company with less than a hundred employees. I’m on a first-name basis with each one. I can’t have you working for me and then flying out to spend a few days alone with me in secret. It would undermine the trust that exists. Instead of working in an entry-level position, we could live together, and you could sometimes accompany me on tours.”
Throwing my hand up, I say, “You want me as a live-in girlfriend for an unspecified period of time, and then when things end, I’ll return to New York?”
Alex remains motionless and stares at me.
I can feel my heartbeat pounding. “I can’t imagine that scenario working out. When I return to New York, I won’t have a job or an apartment. Do you know how tough it is to find an apartment in New York? Not to mention, I gave up my teaching job until September to cover Kate’s absence.”
“I didn’t ask you to give up your job. You were the one who wanted some adventure in your life.”
Heat flashes through my body. “I won’t live with you and give up everything. If you refuse to hire me, I’ll return to New York.”
“I’m not asking you to give up anything. You want to see the world and try new experiences. We can do that together.”
“There is an imbalance between us. You’re independently wealthy. I need to work and earn a living. I need to plan for the future.”
He shrugs. “Fine. I’ll put you on salary. Will that suffice?”
I step away from him. “No. That most certainly doesn’t work.”
His voice rises. “Do you want a lump sum upfront? If money is the only problem, we can solve it.”
My throat tightens, and I know tears are not far off. “I’m not interested in your money. I need to remain independent. I need a job and autonomy.”
Alex grabs my arm and turns me towards him. “I travel all of the time. Finding a job with enough flexibility for us to spend time together would be impossible.”
