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I mean, someone cynical could call this nothing but a random series of coincidences, the work of blind luck at its best, but even that wouldn't take away from the extraordinary nature of all the little things that had to happen in a certain way, in a certain order to bring Mia and myself here, in this moment.
I slowly shake my head, hardly believing what I'm about to say, but at the same time, knowing it to be true. "She knew… your mom… it's like she knew that… you and I…"
Mia nods. “I think she really did. I think that you were right when you said we were meant to be. We are. This is… this is fate.”
Fate, yes… I don’t think anything else could really explain this.
I throw the phone onto the bed and pick Mia up, sitting her on my lap.
I take her hand in mine and bring her fingers to my chin, leaving them splayed over my mouth. Then I tell her how I feel, slowly and carefully moving my lips against her fingertips.
I feel the beginning of her smile against my fingers, then her gentle kiss over them. She pulls back and looks at me, eyes shining like jewels, her grin getting bigger. Then she answers me. With her voice. "Me, too. So, so much…"
Epilogue
MIA
Two months later…
… You know what I always tell you, right?
From the song…? You can shine even in the darkness. You always could. Always will be able to. But you don't have to shine alone, darling …
My mom’s words materialize in my mind. I see the swirl and dips of purple and green ink as they delineate her calligraphy against the backdrop of the faded, lined paper. I even see the shimmering glare that comes off the plastic film covering it.
I always knew there was truth in her words, but only now that I've found my soulmate and I get to share every little joy and pain, and every bit of light and darkness of life with him can I see how profoundly right she was about everything.
I cannot put into words how thrilling it feels knowing that Carson is always going to be here for me or how important it is for me that I really do believe him every time his laughing eyes promise me forever.
I spent so long being hardened against the world. I was so scared for so many years. Those fears some days were like a security blanket thrown around me, but most of the time, they were nothing but a cage holding my spirit prisoner.
I always thought I had to make it on my own, even with Jar always there being the amazing brother that he is and forever holding my hand.
I still thought I had to be strong all the time and never lean on anyone else.
Now I’m using someone else’s wings under my own to fly higher than I ever could if I were to be alone, and I’m not afraid anymore.
Carson does all of this for me. He makes me feel free and fearless and so very hopeful.
I thank the universe every day that I took that leap, that I was strong enough to see past those fears that were holding me back and beyond that smirking playboy air of his and the rudeness of our first awkward encounter. I can’t put into words how grateful I am that I could move past the arrogance of his rock star persona and gave myself the chance to trust his love and get to know the real man under the patina of fame and money.
Best damn choice I’ve made in my life.
Under all of the bravado and the material stuff the world loves him for, Carson is just trying to be seen for who he really is. Simply a man. Someone who wants to be loved. A sweet, affectionate, protective, sometimes —okay,all the time— possessive, loving, adorable man.
Myman. I just happen to be the lucky lady his heart has set upon.
I'm going to spend all the days I have on this earth proving to him that I do see him and his authentic self, and love him so much for it I can't even begin to express my feelings, not with words, signs, gestures. No language in creation can truly spell out what he means to me.
If there's one thing I'm more thankful for in this existence of mine than the fact that I was able to see his love for me and believe in it, it's that my fears never made him give up on me, on us, never made him waver. Not even for an instant. He knew what we were meant to be for each other, just like he wrote in the song that's now topping charts worldwide. He knew that if he just broke past those impenetrable walls I had erected around me that he could make me see what we could be together. No matter how many times I made things difficult for him, he never stopped trying to get to me, to get to the heart that has belonged to him since the first moment I saw him standing in that suite. Gorgeous, glowering, pissed off, and dripping wet after his shower, like an avenging angel at the end of his rope.
Now, for the first time in my life, I’m not trying to cast a little glow in a big dark room with no windows. I’m shining in full force, and I’m not doing it alone. Carson’s love is a strength, a confidence that embraces me and never falters, a big, endless stage on which my soul gets to sparkle every day. It feels wonderful.
I lean my head back and to the side as my eyes focus past the amber-colored electrochromic glass of the window, following a bank of puffy rosy clouds as it bursts into a misty white trail when pierced by one of the private jet's wings.
I feel Carson’s hold on my fingers slacken a bit, and I smile, stroking the back of his hand as I turn to look at him.
I reach with my other hand to gently sweep his longer locks away from his forehead.
