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The freefall is coming to an end, the ground is rushing up to meet my face.
That’s what happens when you let yourself drop with nothing there to catch you.
Eventually, you break.
“It’s fine,” I say, closing my eyes. I won’t cry in front of him. I won’t let him know how much this kills me. “You’re just some macho asshole, right? We had fun, and now it’s over. You don’t have to say anything else. It was nice while it lasted.”
“Renata. Look at me.” Back to his sharp, commanding tone.
Which still annoys the hell out of me.
“I’d rather not. Actually, if I could just never open my eyes again, that’d be great. You can let me down now. You don’t have to make it easy, just make it quick, okay?”
“Renata, I’m not letting you down. I’mnevergoing to let you down.”
I open one eye. “Excuse me? Don’t start giving me hope. Seriously, that’s such a fucked-up thing to do. I know it’s not easy, dumping someone, but be reasonable. You’re going to Europe. I’m staying here with Grandpop. That’s the end of it. This is good, it’s really good, but it was never going to work forever, so let’s just not pretend.”
He shakes his head, looking exasperated. “That’s what I keep trying to say. I’mnotgoing back to Europe.”
I go very still. A little crack of hope appears in my otherwise charred heart. Can he be serious right now? “Don’t joke. Don’t tease. You mean for a few weeks, right? Then you’re going back? An extension, that’s all.”
His smile nearly kills me. Like a parachute, or a pair of wings. “I’ve been thinking a lot about my life. About what it’s meant traveling around, chasing after nothing. Running from myself. I tried to tell you before, but if it didn’t sink in, then I’ll be more direct. I’m staying here, with you, indefinitely. So long as you want me to.”
I pull in a breath. I bite my lip and close my eyes. “You’re serious? Because if you plan on just fucking me for a little while longer until you get your fill—”
“Renata,” he says, sighing, and pulls me against him. I squirm, but he holds me down. “My life out there means nothing. Don’t you get that yet? All the things I’ve done, both good and bad, they amount to nothing. Just a scream into an empty canyon. But when I’m with you, I feel like I have a real purpose, like I can build something good. We can build something good together. I’m a better man with you, and I’d be crazy to give that up.”
“Lanzo,” I whisper, now crying for another reason. God, I can’t get it together tonight. “Don’t fuck with me.”
He laughs and kisses my neck. “I’m not fucking with you.”
“You’re really going to stay?”
“For as long as you want me.” He hesitates. “You do want me to?”
“Of course, but—”
“No buts,” he says, resuming the kisses. “If you don’t break my heart, then I won’t break yours.”
“That’s a fair deal,” I say, rolling to him.
He presses his lips to mine, and I sink into that kiss, relieved and afraid, but finally floating again.
Still coming down. Still falling.
But this time, I’m gliding through the air toward a mountain of pillows, and maybe, just maybe, Lanzo’s going to make sure I’m safe.
Chapter39
Renata
My hands press against the glass. Lanzo growls as he bites my shoulder and sinks himself inside. I gasp, chin thrown up, his hand wrapped around my throat as he fucks me from behind.
The city spreads out beyond the window. My breasts press against the cold, nipples flattening. Lights twinkle, cars move along streets. My monster takes me, ravishing me. “You are the most beautiful woman in this city to me, Renata,” he grunts, slapping my ass with the hand not currently wrapped around my neck.
“That’s not the compliment you think it is,” I moan, grinning, taking him deep and rough, pushing back into his thrusts.
“Youarethe most beautiful woman,” he amends, biting my shoulder hard.
