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Mirroring the way Alyssa is sitting on the sofa—head back, feet on the coffee table—I stare up at the cracked, yellowing ceiling. Where do I start? There is too much to unpack, and I’m not even sure the day’s events happened or if I’m in some kind of crazy dream. “We had an on-location photoshoot. I’m just tired.”
Alyssa taps her biker boot against my foot. “I know we haven’t known each other for long, but my bullshit radar is pointing at you. Did something happen with Finn?” She straightens and turns to look at me. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that. You can tell me to mind my own business.”
I can see Alyssa is genuinely concerned and that she really means to stay out of my business if I want her to. Yes, we haven’t known each other long, and yet, I feel like I can trust her. “No, that’s okay. I tried talking to Finn. I wanted him to know the reason I left him. Try to get him to understand.” I can’t tell her about having sex with him. That’s something I’m still trying to process. “He’s so mad at me, he won’t listen.”
“This conversation needs wine.” Alyssa rises, goes to the small kitchen, and grabs a bottle and two glasses. Filling them up to a generous level, she passes me a glass. “Why did you leave him?”
Taking a large sip, I place the glass on the coffee table. For years I couldn’t speak a word about this to anyone. Not that I had anyone to tell. All my ‘friends’ were Derek’s people. Socialites and fakes. “Derek blackmailed me into marrying him.” It still makes my skin crawl thinking about the day he propositioned me.
Alyssa chokes on her wine. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she exclaims, “He what? Why?”
I rub my palms over my thighs. “My father got into massive debt at Derek’s casino. Derek offered to wipe out the debt only if I married him. If I didn’t, he’d leak my father’s addiction to the press. Being the governor of New York, it would’ve ruined his reputation, maybe his career.”
Alyssa’s glass pauses at her lips. “You’re Charles Madden’s daughter? Why didn’t I figure that out?” It was more a rhetorical question. “Sorry.” She waves her hand for me to continue with the story.
“Derek wanted to get into politics and had big ambitions of one day taking over my father’s position. He didn’t care how, who, or what he had to do to get there. Being the son-in-law of Charles Madden, he believed was his ticket. He died before he got the chance to test that theory.”
Alyssa places her glass on the coffee table and sits cross-legged on the sofa. “Wow! To save your father, you married Derek.” She shook her head with disbelief. “Did your parents know about the blackmail?”
This is the part that hurt the most—well, not as much as leaving Finn, but it was close. “They knew, although it was never spoken about. After the wedding, they couldn’t look me in the eye.”
“I’m so sorry. That must have been awful. Your parents passed away last year. Why did you stay?” Alyssa reaches for my hand and clasps it. I’m grateful for the comforting gesture. I don’t see any judgment in her eyes.
“Because of Finn.”
Alyssa frowns. “Finn? What do you mean?”
I reply without going into too much detail; if I can’t tell Finn the whole truth, I can’t breathe a word about it to anyone else. “Derek believed being the son-in-law of the late Charles Madden would still help him obtain his goal. Because he knew I still loved Finn and I wanted desperately to see him again, Derek threatened to destroy Finn’s family business if I attempted to leave him. The risk was too high.”
Alyssa cups her cheeks in shock. “This is like a Hollywood movie. Who really lives like that?”
For years it felt like a nightmare. One I never thought I’d wake up from. Now, without Derek’s threats hanging over my head, the grogginess is lifting like morning fog.
“Now you can tell Finn the truth. Derek can’t hurt anyone.”
Plucking a lose thread on the sofa, I say, “I wanted to tell him today. He wouldn’t listen. He doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. And I’m not sure he’d believe me.”
“Do you still have feelings for him?” Alyssa asks.
I pick up a cushion and hug it to my chest. My feelings for Finn have never died. To survive without him, I had to bury them deep. Now with him back in my life, the box has broken open, spilling everything I’ve ever felt into my heart.
“By the look on your face, I’d say yes. What are you going to do about it?”
Tears clog in my throat. I cough to clear away the lump. “He doesn’t want to talk to me. What more can I do?”
Alyssa gives a dramatic shrug. “Don’t take no for an answer andmakehim listen! Tie him down if you must—that actually sounds fun.” She winks. I know she’s trying to lighten the mood. “If he knows the truth, maybe you can pick up where you left off.”
“Too much time and heartache has happened. It will never be the same,” I say with regret.
Someone knocks on the door. “That will be the pizza.” Alyssa rises, opens the door, and pays the delivery man. Setting the box on the coffee table, she says, “If things can’t be the same, make them better.”
Can I make things better? The only way I’ll know for sure is if I tell Finn the truth. Well, as much of it as I can. A spark of hope flares in my chest. Are we back in each other’s lives for a reason? Is the universe giving us a second chance?
I’ll never know unless I try speaking to him. This time, Ihaveto make him listen.
Chapter Seventeen
FINN
