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“You know I didn’t really appreciate this,” Brody said. “That what we were doing could make a difference. I was just thinking in terms of it being a good business venture. But you thought of it, didn’t you?”
“Brody...”
“You thought of it, because you’re the one that’s been through all that shit. I just still don’t think of those things.”
He stared at his brother, and he kind of wanted him to say it. To say that Gus had had it harder. They all avoided that. They all avoided throwing that at Brody. Because he lived in the middle of all the violence, so surely it wasn’t actually easier. Except... Brody hadn’t been hurt. Not physically.
“It’s okay, Gus,” Brody said. “I get it. And I know you don’t want to say it. I get that. But you can.”
“You know, yeah. But...do you need therapy?”
Brody looked down for a second, then laughed. “I consider a night at the bar and a beautiful woman in my bed to be therapy, but thanks for asking.”
“So the answer’s yes,” Gus said.
“I don’t know. We’re not...really part of that therapy generation.”
“But here we are, facilitating people getting it. Here we are, working the land, spending a hell of a lot of time with horses on the site where all this stuff happened. Sometimes I think maybe we’re trying to therapize ourselves. Anyway. You still didn’t answer my question. Do you probably need therapy?”
“I’m sure I do.”
Gus shrugged. “Then what’s the point? What’s the point in me saying it? Yeah. I got set on fire. Honestly, I think I have more entitlement to issues than any of you do. Not just you. Like sure, Lach got punched in the face. But me too. And then I needed a bunch of skin grafts. I kind of win. But we’re all a different, fun kind of messed up from him. So did anybody win?”
“But you think people can come back from it,” Brody said.
“I think some people have a shorter distance to walk.”
And he didn’t know what he said was even something he believed. He believed it for his brothers. But that was the thing. Yeah, he might think they’d all suffered. But he did know that he’d suffered the worst. And he also knew that when pushed, he made decisions that looked a lot more like his dad’s than like the ones he wished he made. And he also knew that none of them had ever done anything like that.
It wasn’t just anger. It was the enjoyment of it. It was the thing he got out of it. Out of the violence.
It haunted him. Lived in him. And he just had to wonder if it had been forged in flame that day, and there was nothing he could do about it.
“I was always thankful I had you,” Gus said. “And Tag and Hunter, and Lachlan. We were always in it together, and you were never separate from that.”
“But I was,” Brody said.
“That was part of the abuse, Brody.” And as soon as he said it he understood it. “It was part of what he did to you.”
“Whatever. Look. I just... Thanks for this. I would never be involved in something this good if it wasn’t for you. I’d just be off drinking myself to death and screwing anything that moved.”
“If I had your face I’d be doing the same thing. But I don’t.”
Brody laughed. “I don’t know that you would. Anyway, you’ve got a wife now.”
Yeah. A wife that things had gone a lot further with than he’d intended. But Brody was right. He had her. So now the question was...what all was he going to do with her?
“Lachlan and I are going out to Smokey’s tonight. You want to come?”
“No. No, thanks. I’ll... Pass on that.”
“That’s a shame,” Brody said. “You really are the best wingman.”
“And you’re usually a better liar than that.”
“Well, just don’t say you weren’t invited.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
