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I bang my fist on the steering wheel. Why is my heart so tangled up in our game? It was a fucking game and I knew that from the start. No future. No commitment. Why do I keep wanting more?
This ménage can’t work. My heart is dead and buried. Erik is undercover. It’s his life being undercover. He’s deep. He spends years undercover. She might not even see him for weeks at a time, or maybe months. She deserves better than what we can offer her.
Starting the car, I pause to text Erik. I don’t want to put him in a weird position since Lilia will be right there with him.
I’m sure if I were to just try to tell Lilia we can’t have sex anymore, she would rebel. It’s what she does. Every time she thinks something’s going the wrong direction, she just takes it where she wants it. I have to get Erik on my side.
Me:Protect Lilia. She’s our INFORMANT. She’s the key to everything we’ve worked for. The Soloniks are going to pay for what they did to Carolyn and everyone else.
I take a minute to get my head straight and consider that might not be enough, so I send another message. The sex games have to end.
Don’t FUCK this up.
I hope Erik will realize this isn’t just me being jealous. We’ve made a grave mistake that jeopardizes everything.
Then I send a third message.We need to get her into proper protection now. I’m sending agents.
The idea that this could blow up in my face has me in agony. Depending on how her case is managed, by what she tells the agents, I could have held her for the last time. I could have worked my last case.
As much as it hurts, it has to be this way.
Sixteen
Lilia
Erikisdeepinthought, scribbling on his legal notepad. He told me he needs time to connect a few details and send information back to the home office.
I sneak up behind him, and as I reach for shoulders to rub them, a text comes in.
Nikolai:Protect Lilia. She’s our INFORMANT.
There’s more but Erik reaches for the phone and I can’t read it. I retreat a step. All caps for informant. Does that mean our game is over? The connection I thought we had was nothing?
I walk past Erik and turn the tap on to get a glass of water, then turn back around, curious what he’ll say. “So how are things going?”
“We’re getting you out of here today. I would say it’s time to pack up, but you don’t have anything, so maybe just button up.” He motions to the white button-up shirt I’m wearing that they had stashed in the cabin. “Agents are on their way. They’ll take you to a safe location.”
“Can we have one last little bit of fun?” I walk over and trail my finger along his cheek. I want to fuck. The last time we had sex, I didn’t know it was over. I want the chance to savor it and know that it’s the final time, something most people won’t ever get a chance to know the last time they’re with their loved one.
No, not a loved one. I knew this couldn’t be love. I’m just a foolish girl, but I’ve fallen for them so hard.
He stares up at me and indecision torments his expression. I try to pull out all the stops. I lift the bottom of the shirt, revealing that I’m not wearing any panties. “Please Daddy, one last time?”
His nostrils flare as he inhales hard. “We can’t.”
Right. He got what he wanted. What a bonus that I was a virgin, or almost a virgin, by the time he got to fuck me. Close enough. He wasn’t worried about how many times we had sex. He probably does this with all his informants. It was too easy, now that I think about it.
“Of course, we’re done. Simple as that. You had your fun.”
“Whoa.” He grabs my hand. “It’s not like that.”
I pull away. “It is. We had a deal.”
“Hey, Princess, we had so much more than a deal.”
“Did we?”
“You know we did.”
