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“Why do you think that?”
“Because I am being ridiculous,” I said. “Simon is sweet and in my mind, Iknowhe’s not like Brian. And I’m as certain as I can be that he’d never do the kind of things Brian did. Or Jason. Or any of the others.” I stood and paced behind the chair I’d just vacated. “But feelings aren’t logical. I’ve been teaching Zoe pole dance for the past several weeks and we’ve gotten along fine. But when she’s in a room with Simon, that changes. All the insecurities I had during my past relationships come rushing back when they interact in any way. Including my old body issues.”
I waited until she finished writing before continuing.
“Zoe came to see my dad’s band play and at one point, I saw Simon talking to her. That old feeling of dread washed over me. Then a week later, a bunch of us went out after the pole recital and Zoe ended up sitting across from us. She was saying lovely things about Anjannette and me and the classes she’s taken and I faked my way through the whole conversation.”
“In what way?”
I flopped back into the chair and crossed my legs.
“I just wanted to get out of there, get Simon out of there.” I shook my head. “And the thing is, Zoe is just an easy scapegoat for my feelings. If I’m being honest, a diluted form of them is around when he interacts with other women too. But that’s more random. With Zoe, it’s every time.”
“You’ve admitted yourself that this relationship is relatively new.” I nodded. “You’ve also said that you and Simon have said that you love each other.”
“Yeah, we have.”
“And you truly believe you’re in love, despite the short time you’ve been together.”
“I do. Remember that we were friends first so I think that speeds things up a little.”
“Okay, so he loves you and you love him. Tell me what more you want.”
It only took me a second to figure out how to explain what I want out of my relationship. She listened as I relayed what my father said before singing last week.
“My dad has played in his band for forty years. Even local bands have groupies. I’ve seen women hit on him when he comes off stage. I asked my mom once if she gets worried or jealous when my dad plays, especially when she’s not with him. Without hesitation, she told me that she trusts my dad.That’swhat I want.”
“You said that you don’t think Simon would cheat, so what are you worried about?”
“I’m worried that how I let guys treat me in the past has fucked me up too much and I’ll never have a normal relationship. That I’ll never truly trust anyone I’m involved with. Simon deserves a partner who loves him unconditionally and trusts him implicitly. He shouldn’t have to walk around on eggshells every time he’s around a female because I’ve been scarred by ex-boyfriends.” I wiped a tear from my cheek and looked over at her. “Maybe I still need some time to work through all this before Simon and I move forward.”
I raised my voice at the end of that sentence turning it into a question.
“I stand by my original advice. Talk to Simon.”
Simon
I stoppedat the jewelry store after work to pick up Keera’s Christmas present. When my dad mentioned my grandmother’s ring at Thanksgiving, I came up with the idea of what to get her. If I have my way, she’ll have said ring someday, so I decided to gift her a matching bracelet.
There are enough pictures of the ring in our family photo albums, so I didn’t have to ask my dad to retrieve it from the safe deposit box. The jeweler was able to create a beautiful design from the photo and I’m itching to see how it turned out.
The bell over the door rang as I entered the store and I spotted the owner sitting behind the counter. Lucas and his wife Jane opened this place thirty years ago and my dad has been buying jewelry for my mom here that entire time, including her engagement ring.
“Simon. How are you?”
Lucas removed his magnifying glasses and set them on the table as he stood.
“I’m good.” I shook his hand then rested my hands on the counter. “Jane called earlier
and said my bracelet is ready.”
“Yes, it is,” he said. “Let me go get it.”
He returned a few minutes later with a green, velvet box in hand. After setting it on the counter in front of me, he opened it, adding a little flair to the action. I picked up the bracelet and studied the design as it draped over my hand.
With its Celtic knots, scroll details, and shamrock motif in the white gold band, my grandmother’s ring has a decidedly Gaelic design. There’s a heart detailing in the setting, that holds up a nearly perfect round stone. Jane managed to incorporate all those elements into the design of the bracelet.
“It’s perfect,” I said, then took one last look before placing it back in the box. “What’s my balance?”
