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“Right,” I mutter, more confused than frustrated with her. How could she love me and yet get pregnant with another man’s child? How could she say she kept one secret, when our entire relationship doesn't make sense to me now? “Get out, Carli.”
She shakes her head, disappointed at me. “I expected the father to care about his child. Don’t think you aren’t causing me as much pain.”
With that, she walks out. Leaving me with more questions than I had when I woke up. Doesn’t Devon care about the child? Why did she have to mention the father? Because I don’t give a single fuck about the father.
I stride outside the office, walking towards the bar to ask Carli what she meant by that. I’m too late, I see a flurry of her leaving and before I have time to catch her, she drives off. I curse, pulling at my hair.
Just like that, I go back to the first stage of grief all over again.
Denial.
Chapter3
Carli
Ireminisce about the first day we met. Jace and I. And even though I hated him back then, I never thought he had it in him to be downright callous and rude.
Yet I couldn’t wait to get out of there because the man in the office with me was a stranger. My hands shake, my shoulders tremble and hunch as I drive forward slowly. The hurt tightens and coils inside me, the last hope I had was flickering, so close to dying out completely.
The worst part is, I brought this on myself.
It took a while to get away from Devon after he brought me back to Rockport. Back at my apartment, I slammed the door on him, trying to hide myself to come up with a plan. But Devon insisted on making his authority clear. He knocked so hard on the door, I saw splinters of wood flying off. Out of fear I opened, but I kept my face cold and expressionless.
“What?” I crossed my arms over my chest, more in a way to shield myself.
“New rule. You’re not allowed to be alone,” Devon seethed. “I don’t trust you to not do anything stupid.”
“Well, I don’t trust you either.” I turned my back to him, ready to close the door on his face again, but he was quicker. Devon jammed his foot in-between, grabbed my shoulders and pressed me hard against the wall in a flash. A gasp of air puffed out of me, my heart started to race. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Fear is something I was used to feeling when around that man.
With one hard wrapped around my neck to keep me still, Devon threatened. “Don’t talk back to me, Care Bear. You forget how much of your life I hold in my hand.”
“You’ve already ruined it. There’s only one thing left you could take from me, Devon and I swear to god, you’ll never ever be in the same room with my child ever.”
“Oh, yeah?” Devon laughed. I tried pushing him off, careful of my stomach. “What are you gonna do? Hide in the room every day?”
“No.” Smiling, I brought my knee up, and hit him hard where it hurts the most. Devon groaned, cursed and crouched down to cup between his thighs. I giggled at the sight, eyes crinkling when he glared at me. “I’m going to leave.”
“I’ll always find you.”
“But I’ll keep leaving.” I took a step back. “Until you’re sick of running after me like the pathetic man you are. I mean, I honestly thought you’re smarter than this, Devon. Thinking I’ll choose to live with you? Right… I’d rather die.”
“If you walk out that door,” Devon spluttered, his face turning an angry shade of red. “I’ll make you wish you were dead.”
“Seriously dude, learn some new threats.”
With that, I flipped him the bird and walked out.
Yes, I might have cried a bit as soon as I sat myself in the car seat. But the most important thing was I stood up to Devon. And wow, it was amazing. He thought he’d turned me into a meek, submissive woman. Pfft. As if. I guess it was the rush of adrenaline and feeling of invincibility that made me decide what to do next.
Go see Jace immediately to give us one last shot. I really thought he would have listened, that he would have understood. I thought he might have even forgiven me or at least tried to.
I let out a halfhearted laugh. It fills the interior of the car and haunts me. I never expected Jace to react that way. I’ve played the scenario way too many times in my head, and each time I did, I couldn't make much sense of it.
I understand where his anger comes from. I’m not that naive. But what the fuck? How can he hold so much against me when I made just one mistake? Before I can go into another spiral of what ifs and maybes, I stop myself and concentrate on the road. If Jace doesn’t want to look at my face, or ask a single question about the child, I won’t crawl back to him. Even though I still love him and I know somewhere beneath his pain, he still loves me too.
Or so I hope.
I’m done putting myself down and bending to the fear of threats. I promised myself I’ll be independent one day, and I intend on doing just that. No more relying on anyone other than myself. Including Jace. He looked at this as a flaw, not that I was carrying the greatest gift that would take our relationship to a new level. One which I was excited for at one point. Silly of me to have thought he wasn't excited for it, too.
