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“Just let her finish,” Theo groaned.
“Had she not been abducted, Petunia would have surely been found and we’d be reunited as we speak.” Alanna paused for a second, chin out, shoulders square. She was beautiful and terrifying, an absolutely exquisite work of art. “I rest my case.”
The women clapped. Everly put her fingers in her mouth and produced an impressively loud whistle.
“Order, order!” Haley said.
Theo slung his elbows onto the table and dropped his head into his hands. “Go ahead, Sully,” he said in obvious misery.
Sully took a deep breath and pushed down the nerves in his stomach. Alanna had managed to put together a strong case. In fact, when the women described the week they’d spent canvassing the streets searching for Sheba, he’d almost felt bad for Alanna… almost.
In presenting his case, Sully was neither elegant nor efficient, but he was thorough. He described how he’d found and trapped Sheba and then detailed his efforts to reunite Sheba with her original owner. He emphasized the fact that Sheba was not wearing a collar and that her microchip information had evidently not been updated.
“I was going to get to that,” Alanna grumbled.
“Excuse me, it’s our turn to talk,” Hue informed her.
“See?” Everly hissed to Layla. “Lumber jackass.”
Sully noticed two full glasses of wine on the women’s table. Ignoring them, he described meeting with the son of Sheba’s previous owner and explained how the man had eagerly relinquished all rights to the cat.
“Object,” Alanna ordered an unhappy looking Tess. “Never mind, I’ll do it.” She turned to Theo. “Objection. How do we know this conversation took place? That’s um… what’s the word?”
“Oh! Hearsay,” Haley piped up. She smiled proudly. “My mom looooovesLaw & Order.”
“Yes,” Alanna said. “Hearsay. Sully could be making the whole thing up.”
Hesitantly, Layla raised her hand at the next table. “I can corroborate his story,” she said with an apologetic look to her sister. “I was at the shelter when Sh… Petunia was relinquished. It was the guy’s sister, and she said the same thing about their mother being a hoarder and moving to a senior facility.”
“Layla, shut the hell up,” Alanna cried. “You’re on my side.”
“Objection,” Hue declared exuberantly. “Badgering the witness.” He winked at Sully. “I’ve been known to enjoy aLaw & Ordermarathon myself.”
“Can we please just keep going and get this over with?” Theo groaned.
Sully was all too happy to accommodate Theo’s wish. Over the next 20 minutes, he offered exhaustive documentation of his progress onThe Sheba Project. This included a long list of cat behavioral resources he’d referenced, time sheets listing play sessions, petting sessions, litter-box training, and more. He even produced charts visually detailing Sheba’s progress over a variety of metrics, everything from successful litter box usage to time spent on the cat condo.
Engineer brain for the win!
“And so, as you can see,” he explained to a noticeably glazed-eyed audience, “not only has Sheba spent more days with me than with Alanna, objectively speaking, but I’ve also spent significantly more substantive time bonding with her. Under my care, Sheba’s behavioral issues have markedly improved, and she has become a happier, healthier, more well-adjusted cat. I rest my case.”
Sully sat back in his seat, pleased with his presentation. Hue clapped him on the back. “God, that was horrendously embarrassing, but good job.”
Across the table, Alanna’s hands clutched into fists, and her lips set into a thin line. “I demand the opportunity for a rebuttal,” she said.
“No way,” Sully responded. What was this dastardly woman planning? “We both presented our case. Now Theo gets to decide.”
Once again, everyone looked to Theo who was carefully sipping from a wine glass, a look of shrewd concentration on his face. Noticing the attention on him, he swallowed and set down his glass. “Is a rebuttal allowed?” he asked.
Hue laughed. “Dude, this entire thing’s made up.”
“I’ll allow it,” Haley pipped up.
“Sure, whatever,” Theo added.
“Good,” Alanna said. She gave Sully a wicked look. Was it possible to be utterly terrified and utterly turned on at the same time?
Yes,his penis told him.Yes, it was.
