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‘Bad,’ Jen says, semi-honestly. She needs to try to tell him again.
Kelly wanders over and absent-mindedly takes her coat off, the sort of thing she will never get used to, she loves it so much; the simple care and attention he brings to their marriage. He kisses her. He tastes of mint chewing gum. Their hips touch, their legs interlock. It’s seamless. Jen feels her breathing automatically slow. Her husband has always had this effect on her.
‘Your clients are nutcases,’ he deadpans, his mouth still next to hers.
‘I’m worried about Todd,’ she says. Kelly steps back. ‘He’s not himself.’
‘Why?’ The heating clicks on, the boiler firing up with a soft flare.
‘I’m worried he’s in with a bad crowd.’
‘Todd? What bad crowd is that, Warhammer lovers?’
Jen can’t help but laugh at this. She wishes Kelly would show the outside world this side of him.
‘Life’s too long for this worry,’ he adds. It’s a phrase of theirs, spanning back decades. She’s sure he started it, and he’s sure she did.
‘This Clio. I’m not sure about her.’
‘He’s still seeing Clio?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I thought he said he wasn’t. Anyway, I have something for you,’ he says.
‘Don’t spend your money on me,’ she says softly. Kelly is always paid cash in hand, and frequently buys her gifts with it.
‘I want to,’ he says. ‘It’s a pumpkin,’ he adds.
This distracts Jen entirely. ‘What?’ she says.
‘Yeah – you said you wanted one?’
‘I was going to buy it tomorrow,’ she whispers.
‘Okay? Look – it’s in here.’
Jen peers around him, looking into the kitchen. Sure enough, there it is. But it isn’t the same one. It’s huge and grey. The sight of it chills her skin. What if she changes too much? What if she changes things that don’t relate to the murder? Isn’t that what always happens in the movies? The protagonists change too much; they can’t resist, they get greedy, play the lottery, kill Hitler.
‘I’m supposed to buy the pumpkin.’
‘Hey?’
‘Kelly. Yesterday, I told you I was living days backwards.’
Surprise breaks across his features like a sunrise. ‘Hey?’
She explains it the same way she did to Rakesh, the same way she already has to Kelly. The first night, the knife in his bag, everything.
‘Where is this knife now?’
‘I don’t know – his bag, probably,’ she says impatiently, wanting to not revisit conversations they have already had.
‘Look. This is fucking ridiculous,’ he says. She can’t say she’s surprised by this reaction. ‘Do you think you should – like – see a GP?’
‘Maybe,’ she says in a whisper. ‘I don’t know. But it’s true. What I’m saying is true.’
Kelly just stares at her, then at the pumpkin, then back. He goes into the hallway and finds Todd’s school bag. Empties it theatrically on to the hallway floor. No knife falls out.
