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“Me too.” I stroke her cheek. “Please don’t leave. Please don’t go back. I know I don’t have any right to ask you, but please. I need you. I want you to stay. I want this to be possible. Not just this, but us.”
“I’m not going anywhere. We already decided that.” She kisses me, and when she pulls back, she looks amused, like I’m being silly. “But thank you for saying that. I want us to be possible as well. It’s more than possible. It’s going to happen, and it’s going to be great.”
“But you’d have to move all the way here and—”
Her finger descends to my lips, not silencing me but pressing down like I need to feel her weight again to be sure that this is real. “I do have to move, but I think your grandma’s suggestion of going to live in Seattle is a good one. An hour isn’t so far away. I have a year of school left, which I darn well intend on finishing, but all the weekends will be ours. Maybe I can put all my classes on just two days a week. Sometimes that works out. Then we can have more time. I don’t mind making the drive. I know you have the animals to look after, and you can’t always be leaving, but maybe you can find a housesitter here and there. There are lots to think about, but I’m not intimidated, and I won’t be scared away.”
“But your family…” I go on.
“They’ll be happy, of course,” she assures me.
“You’ll miss them.”
“I will, but honestly, I’ve always lived with them. Before I knew anything about this and about you, I was already making plans to move out. I even thought about moving and seeing the country first before I picked a spot to settle down in and build a career.”
“But you’ll have an English degree.”
She fake scowls at me, but there’s enough amusement in it that I can tell she probably gets that a lot. “English is a perfectly marketable position.”
“Oh, I know. I meant you could work online. From anywhere.”
She nods like she’s known that for a long time and doesn’t give two flying figs what people think about what she’s studying. “Exactly. One year and then I can move out to the farm if you want me to. If you, the chickens, the sheep, Herman Merman, and all will have me.”
“Always. We’ll always have you.”
“The year will be good for us. Moving in right away would be a big shock, so I’m glad we have some time. Even after I’m done with school, if we’re not ready, I don’t have to move in. If the contract is truly called off, then it’s up to us to decide. We get to determine our own lives and decide for ourselves.”
The contract is off, but that’s not why I feel so free. I’ve never had any doubt that I was going to be the one who determined my own future and who I spent it with, but I feel so much lighter now, knowing that a stupid piece of paper isn’t hanging over my head and my family will let us make our own terms. Most of that freedom that’s making my heart do all sorts of happy dances in my chest right now, though? It’s the knowledge that whatever that freedom entails, I’m going to find it with Nina.
EPILOGUE
Nina
Everyone looks beautiful. It’s not the suits or the fancy dresses, the expensive haircuts and updos, or the pearls that were busted out and dusted off. It’shappiness.
There’s so much radiant happiness filling up the farmyard, and joy is literally spilling out in every smile I see. Everyone is so happy that we’re finally here. For our grandmothers, this is a historical moment. For our parents, it’s a proud one. And for all of us, it’s a night to celebrate our love. The shock and bewilderment and irony and amusement have long since worn off.
My face hurts from smiling, my eyes sting from crying, and my heart hurts from how full to bursting it is.
I’m off to the side of the farmyard, by the big maple, taking a breather as the band plays a mix of bluegrass and country music into the starry, lantern-lit night. We strung the whole farmyard with lights a few weeks ago. Thaddius’ mom and dad and his grandma and grandpa helped out. The lights hang across the yard, spanning from the barn to the tree, the tree to the house, and in every other direction.
I crack another smile that makes my cheeks ache when I see Thaddius sauntering over. He had stripped off his suit jacket hours ago. Everyone laughed when he walked out wearing plaid under it instead of a regular dress shirt. I absolutely love it as it compliments my simple lace dress and white cowboy boots. These ones are new, and so far, they haven’t managed to get squishy.
Thaddius takes my hand and sweeps me into his arms. He kisses me and starts to rock and sway with the music, dancing a special slow dance under the rustling maple leaves. “I half expected that you’d cut the clown face out of that shirt and pin it to the back of your dress.”
“Don’t make me laugh! I’ve already smiled and laughed too much today, and it hurts. My whole face feels crusty from crying too.”
“So I shouldn’t tell you about the llama and sheep poetry I’ve started writing?”
“Were you inspired by the way Herman Merman serenades Lottie Donkey all night and day, singing the song of his people?”
A sudden loud heeeee-hawwwww sounds from the field to our left, and we both give in to full belly laughs, even if it hurts. I can feel the tears glistening at the corners of my eyes. But this time, it’s from laughter. “It sounded like he was cursing us out. Telling us to mind our own business.”
“Herman Merman is a gentleman ever since we got Lottie Donkey. He doesn’t curse anymore.”
I place the pad of my thumb on Thaddius’ bottom lip. Behind us, shadowy figures sway and dance, hoot and holler. I can even see Thaddius’ grandma shaking her hips on the patch of dirt that serves as a dancefloor. She’s really getting into it. Looking back into Thaddius’ face, I find his eyes warm with love. “I heard somewhere that the psyche has an incredible power of suggestion. Or it responds to suggestions. Something like that. I think it was basically about self-fulfilling prophesies. Do you think we fell in love because it was suggested to us all along that we do that?”
“I don’t believe in destiny, but if I did, I’d say we made our own.” He’s not smiling, but he’s using his smiling voice. Over the past few years, I’ve learned to pick it out, just like I’ve learned so many other things about this man who owns my heart.
