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“I’m so lost,” he choked. He could hear Peter praying, but the whirlpool was sucking him into a dark place he knew he couldn’t recover from. He’d tried to ignore it for so long, but his wounds were laid bare and he found himself in front of the throne of God. He could see it in his mind. The glow blinded him as his eyes squeezed tighter. He didn’t feel the soft carpet beneath his knees. It was now a cold, black floor, and he was naked and bleeding. God was finished with him and there was nothing he could do to change that.
Peter’s prayers had become an echo in his mind as he bowed before his creator, waiting to receive the punishment he deserved.
My son …The words whispered past his ear.
“I’m sorry. I failed.” He couldn’t tell whether he spoke the words or thought them, but they reverberated through his brain in a painful gong.
My son … come boldly before my throne of grace.
“No. I can’t.”
Receive my mercy.
“I don’t deserve it.” Did God just laugh?
I died while you were my enemy. I gave my life for you when you didn’t know you needed it. Do you think anything has changed? Find my grace to help when you need it most.
“But I’m part of the darkness you sent me to fix.”
You don’t fix the darkness. I do. Now. Don’t let that darkness put a yoke on you that makes you powerless.
“But how? How do I take the yoke off?”
Come home. Come home like the prodigal son. I will open my arms wide and run to meet you.
Months of grief and loss racked his body in uncontrollable sobs that exposed his soul and the shadow that covered it. But as he cried, the burden eased. The pain melted off as he opened his heart to his Father.
When he finally opened his eyes, he was disoriented for a moment when he found he was lying flat on the floor. Peter was kneeling beside him, still praying. His body resisted as he pushed up. The emotional weight had lifted, but he felt like a truck had fallen on top of him.
“You okay?” Peter looked concerned.
“Better. Why? Did I talk out loud? I wasn’t sure what happened there. It was like I was in a different place.”
“You didn’t say anything intelligible, but it sounded like you were in agony. At one point, I wasn’t sure if I should try to snap you out of it.”
“No. I was okay. I think God was doing a deep work there. I didn’t realize how broken I really was. Whether I picked up some real demons on that job or carried around ones of my own making, there was a heavy burden that needed to come off. I wish I could have dealt with that before Sydney.”
“Why? God probably used her to get you to this place.”
“But I would have done things differently with her.”
“Seems to me things are working out okay.”
“But I didn’t believe her. I thought she was the bad guy, and I was willing to do whatever it took to make sure she paid the price. Exactly like I did to that poor girl.”
“But you didn’t. You saved her life. You brought her here.”
“Yeah, but that’s because I needed to keep her alive so I could get answers.”
“And you did get the answers. God’s just done a huge thing in you tonight. Don’t wreck it. Accept it and move forward. I don’t know Sydney, but I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have kissed you tonight if she didn’t trust you.”
“I thought you weren’t going to bring her up.” Aaron grinned. “But you’re right. I didn’t think of that. Hey, thanks for being here tonight. It’s almost as if God organized it.”
Peter smiled and slapped Aaron on the back. “Yeah, weird how God does that. If we’d stop being so stubborn, he could probably ease up, but sometimes he has to bring about the extraordinary to get our attention.”
“It’s good to have one dad like that.”
“Can I assume you haven’t reconciled with your other dad yet?”
