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“Holy shit, Kai’s old too!” Nick looked from where he was counting on his fingers. “And Knox. You’re even older than Kai!”
“I hate all of you,” Kai grumbled.
“I’m not okay.” Knox shook his head. “Nineteen hundreds…”
“We’re getting offtrack,” Biggs spoke up. “We’re here for training, not to break the millennials in the room.”
“We’re not broken.” River glanced at his brother.
“He means millennials the generation. Not people born at the millennium,” Zane said.
“As I was saying. Training.” Biggs pointed at the TV. “I found this in the back storage room, along with the tape I need to show you.”
“Tape?” Nick asked. “Why do you need to show us tape for training?”
“I… I don’t even know what to say to that.” Biggs blinked. “Do we seriously have people in here who’ve never heard of a tape? What about a VCR?”
“My grandma had one of those when I was little,” Nick said excitedly. “I put a grilled cheese in it and ruined it.”
“Why would you put a grilled cheese in a VCR?” Knox asked.
“Don’t remember. But I’m sure it made sense at the time.”
“Let’s try to focus for a few minutes.” Biggs walked over to the machine. “One of the legal requirements of reopening is that we have to go over some employee training, including workplace harassment. So I need everyone to watch this.”
Biggs turned on the TV and pressed a few buttons on a remote. The screen flashed blue, then went black. When it lit up again, a guy in a suit stood in front of a large desk.
“Harassment,” he said, staring at the camera with creepy intensity. “It can take on many forms in the workplace.”
The guy continued to talk about the different ways people get harassed at work as he walked around an office of sorts.
Nick and I glanced at each other. He folded his lips in a tight line, his eyes shimmering as he tried not to laugh. I wasn’t doing much better. I’d seen videos like this in the many jobs I’d had over the years, but this one was apex cringe.
“Now let’s see an example of what harassment might look like at the office,” the guy on the screen said.
We turned our attention back to the TV just as two actors appeared, standing in front of a copy machine.
“Hey, Anita,” the male said in that forced non-actor way they always did in these types of videos. “Are you done with the machine?”
“Almost. I just need to change the toner.” The female actor bent over in the most ridiculous and unnatural way possible and opened a compartment on the machine.
The male actor made a big show of looking at her ass. “Are you sure you’re not the copier, because I want to fill you with my ink.”
The actors froze comically and the guy from the start of the video walked into the frame. “This is an example of sexual harassment.”
Snickers rippled through the room. Nick had both hands over his mouth and was shaking on my lap. I buried my face in his shoulder and pinched my thigh to keep quiet.
The rest of the video was just as ridiculous as the opening, and we were all howling by the time Biggs turned it off.
“Hey, Kai”—River winked at him—“was your mother a beaver, because damn.”
Kai hadjustmanaged to compose himself when he let out a bark of laughter that set everyone off again.
“Yo, Gray.” Zane turned to me. “I’m not into sunsets, but I’d watch you go down.”
“Oh my god.” Nick fell back against me, holding his stomach and wheezing. “I’m dead.”
I couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard.
