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That girl is literally my everything, so why the fuck haven’t I manned up yet and told her that?
Because, apparently, it took my coach’s trauma to make me realize I don’t know how much time I have on this earth and that I don’t want to waste it not being with the person I adore most. Yes, I love baseball, but I can guarantee it wouldn’t be the same if I didn’t have Quinn’s love and support every step of the way.
With new determination in my step, I dress quickly and pick up my phone to look at flights home. They have a few seats available on the red eye to JFK tonight. If she’s free, I can spend all day tomorrow with her before I have to be back for a pitching clinic here in Charlotte.
Quinn may be playing in a volleyball tournament on Long Island this weekend. Her indoor winter league normally makes it to the finals around this same time every year. Either way, I want to see her. If watching her do what she loves in spandex and a sports bra is part of that deal, then sign me the fuck up.
It rings several times before she picks up. “Hey, Hotshot, what you doin’ on this fine Friday night?” Just hearing her voice lights a fuse inside my body.
“Just leaving the stadium. I was calling to see what you were up to?” I ask with a big smile on my face.
There’s a long moment of silence, to the point where I look at the phone to confirm the call didn’t disconnect. But then she speaks, her words causing that lit fuse to detonate like a bomb in my chest.
“Actually, I’m glad you called. I—I’ve been wanting to tell you. I finally went on a second date with someone.” The hesitation in her voice is evident even over my thundering heartbeat. “I even agreed to a third date. I really like him, E… he accepts me for me, just like you said I always deserved.”
A third? She really likes him… Just like you always said.
Fuck, how did we get here?
Time is a damn thief.
The only person I can blame is myself. And I fucking hate myself right now.
“You deserve the world,” are the only words I can form as I try to move the boulder-sized rock that’s sitting on my chest at the thought that maybe I lost my chance with the only girl I’ll ever truly love. “I’m happy for you, Q.” I push out the words, knowing my best friend needs to hear them. And I want to mean them… I want to mean them so much because she truly does deserve everything, and it's my own fault for not realizing I could give her that sooner than now.
“If we continue hanging out, I want you to meet him, of course. Maybe I could invite him to your next game against the Yankees.”
I could think of nothing I would hate more, but I would never say that to her. She had always put me first, and it was time I did the same for her.
“Yeah, that’d be cool,” I force out, swallowing roughly.
“Awesome, well, what are you up to this weekend? Relaxing before baseball really starts back up?”
“Yeah, probably binging some Walking Dead and ordering a bunch of takeout. I’m long overdue for a day like that.”
Knowing I can’t stomach seeing her this weekend without selfishly blurting out all my feelings, my new plan of sulking around sounds about as good as it's going to get right now.
“Damn, that sounds like the perfect rainy Saturday in my book. Wish I was there.”
You have no idea.
“Me too,” I say in a more hushed tone than intended.
“You okay? I feel like there is something else on your mind… tell me?” She whispers the last part. We know each other too well… It’s a blessing and a curse.
“Have you ever thought much about time?”
“Like, the older we get, the more it seems to fly by. Is that what you mean?” she asks, and I can hear the gears in her head spinning, wondering why I’m bringing this up.
“Yeah, kinda. Just been thinking about how a lot of time gets wasted on things, people, places that may not mean that much to me when my time is up on earth.”
“No, I haven’t really thought of it like that. Honestly, the thought of time scares me. It scares me to think about the fact that one day my time here will run out and then the thought of eternity after that is such a hard concept for my human brain. Like, what is eternity…? Everything in our lives is always based on a time limit, but not eternity. It is endless. The only thing I can wrap my head around being endless and eternal is love. I feel like love can go on forever and ever, unlike time. Time has to have a stopping point.”
“I’m starting to have a love-hate relationship with time.”
“Does this have to do with Coach Riley’s wife?” she asks intuitively.
“Yeah. He just said some stuff today that really put shit into perspective.”
