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“I don’t know!” she exclaims, throwing her arms in the air. “There were a million things going on in my mind. We had only been in Texas for a few months, and we left New Orleans because I saw Jace’s cousin across the street from my work. I thought he’d come after me because I knew too much or something.”
I let out a caustic laugh. “Fuck Charlie, this isn’t the fucking movies. He would have given you the opportunity to come clean. We may be criminals, but we aren’t fucking monsters.”
“How in the hell was I supposed to know that? The only criminal I’d ever knownwasa fucking monster, Linc. It’s not a stretch to think I needed to protect myself after what I’d been through.”
I shake my head, disappointment rolling through my chest and filling up that part of me I let her into.
“I have never shown you anything but kindness, Charlie. I wanted you to believe there were good men out there, that I was a good man, and you could trust me.”
“I do, Linc. That’s why I was going to tell you about everything today. As soon as you were done with church, I was going to tell you what I had.”
“I don’t know if I believe you Charlie. I still don’t understand why you didn’t tell me in the first place. You, more than anyone else on this planet, know what I would do to protect you. What I would give up to make sure you were safe. Why you couldn’t give me just a little bit of trust to do it again is what’s killing me right now.”
She reaches her hand to mine, but I quickly rip it from her grasp as though I’ve been burned.
“I need to go and clear my head,” I tell her as Lucy comes to Charlie’s side. “You aren’t to leave the clubhouse until I get back.”
Lucy opens her mouth to argue, I’m sure to tell me she can do whatever she damn well pleases, but Charlie shakes her head at her friend.
“I’ll be here when you get back.”
I nod and head to my bike. I need a long ride to clear the shit rolling around in my brain.
The winding roads of Massachusetts are doing their job. I’m calmer than when I left the clubhouse, but the questions still circulate. More than that even, it’s disappointment. Disappointment in Charlie for not trusting me and disappointment in myself for going off on her the way I did. I’ve always considered myself a pretty level-headed guy. Sure, I have my triggers, anyone hurting women being the main one, but other than that, I like to think I’m reasonable, yet Charlie was afraid to tell me about that damn notebook.
Taking into account her past and no one giving a shit about her, how could I really expect her to? All she knew about me that night in Texas was I was in a MC. Sure, she knew I’d gone to prison to protect her, but seeing me beat the shit out of her ex probably hadn’t instilled much confidence in me or the club, if I’m being honest with myself. It really wasn’t until yesterday that she understood the depth of our loyalty to each other and those we consider family.
Does Charlie even know that’s what the club sees her as now? Probably not. It sure as shit snuck up on me. I never wanted to be tied down to one woman, especially after prison. It didn’t seem worth it to have an old lady when I knew any day the police could come knocking and haul me away in handcuffs. I saw what the visits did to my mom and couldn’t fathom being in that situation with a woman of my own.
But then I saw Charlie again. I’ll never forget the way her bright blue eyes were round as saucers when she recognized me. All I could think was, damn, the years have done her good. Gone was the skinny little thing I saw beat down in a diner. This new Charlie had a fierceness about her that called to me.
When she heard about Jace tracking her down, she was ready and able to take off again. There was no way she was going to be taken back into that kind of situation. She had to reinvent herself so many times before I found her, but she refused to be his victim again. She was doing the best she knew how to, and it was working for her.
I don’t regret finding her in Texas. Fuck, if we hadn’t, who knows what would have happened to her. I don’t regret bringing her back to Shine with us, even though it’s bringing some heat from the Italians. The only thing I regret is Charlie still doesn’t trust me to have her back. The club I can understand because she doesn’t know most of the guys. But me? Yeah, that one stings.
My bike is heading in the direction of my mom’s place she shares with Trick and Gramps. If anyone can help me make sense of what Charlie has been feeling, it’s the woman who was in the same situation when I was a kid. She must hear my bike rumbling up the long drive because she’s on the porch waiting for me.
“Well, this is a surprise,” my mom calls when I park and turn off the engine.
I take a few long strides and pick her up in a huge hug.
“Put me down, ya big oaf,” she laughs out.
When I set her on her feet, her scrutinizing gaze collides with mine. She gives me that look only the person who raised you and knows you better than anyone else can.
“What’s going on?”
“Stuff with Charlie. I think I messed up.”
“Already?” she asks with a teasing smile. “Okay, come in and get some coffee. I don’t expect Trick and Gramps back for a few hours yet.”
We walk into the two-story farmhouse where Ozzy grew up. Shit, my brother and I were regular fixtures here too. Janine and Gramps had built the house when Trick was a baby. After Knox and I graduated high school, Mom and Trick decided to come clean about their relationship. I still find it ridiculous they waited so long, but my mom wanted to make sure we knew we were her priority.
“Sit. I’ll make us some coffee.” She brings the steaming mugs over and has a seat across from me. “So, what’s going on?” Her “mom fixer face” is in place as she takes a drink of her coffee.
“Some shit followed Charlie from Texas. She was holding some information close to her chest, and it’s put the club in a tough spot.” I sip from my mug before setting it on the table in front of me and running a hand over my face. “If she would have confided in me in the first place, we could have handled it. Instead, Ozzy and some of the other brothers feel blindsided.”
“Did you expect her to trust you right away?”
