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“You better be staying for dinner,” Mom said once she let go of him.
“I’d be delighted. Thank you, ma’am.”
Mom set her sights on me. “Ella, you have a date to be getting ready for,” she said as if I’d forgotten.
In truth, I did. With Jesse there, how could I think of anything else?
Jesse turned to look at me. “Tim?” His brows stitched together, a hard look in his eyes that made my stomach turn.
Right. I said his name when I thought you were my pain-in-the-ass overprotective brother.
“Change of plans, actually. I’m staying in.” Well, I’d be calling Tim to let him know that the second I was alone. I couldn’t lead that man on. Not when two seconds with Jesse made me feel so, so many things. It wouldn’t be right or fair to either of us. Any of us.
“So, no Tim?” Jesse cocked his head a touch and his chest rose and fell with a heavy breath.
I shook my head and whispered, “No Tim.”
* * *
JESSE
I looked around my room at the local inn. A small, cramped space. Just a bed and nightstand. No TV. No dresser. Not that I needed anything. I was there for only one night. With Rory off on another adventure, there was no need to force myself to stay at our parents’ house.
And although Deb Hawkins had invited me to crash at the ranch, the second I found out Ella was staying there, I knew it’d be impossible to share a roof with that woman. I’d go to her at night.
I’d peel back her covers, ask her to let me in bed with her, and we’d make love. The mood I was in—especially after watching her smile and laugh all night long at the house—nope, I’d have snapped. Begged her on my hands and knees to let me be with her.
And that’d be a bad idea. Because I hadn’t been home in eleven months because I was getting worse.
Fighting more.
Fucked in the head.
No good for her.
The fact I’d considered looking up this “Tim” guy and going to pay him a visit was evidence I was in a really bad place.
But I had to come back to see A.J., make sure he was okay with the whole quitting-the-Teams business. And to be painfully honest, I wanted to see Ella. Needed to see her. I needed some of her goodness. Some of her light. Seeing her tonight . . . saved a piece of my soul. Kept me from totally surrendering to the depths of Hell trying to reach for me every single night over the last year.
I let go of a heavy breath while removing my boots, then I busied myself with stripping down to my boxers.
Before I had a chance to brush my teeth and collapse onto the bed, my phone pinged.
Ella: It was good spending time with you tonight.
I sat on the bed and stared at her text.
Jesse: I missed you.
I deleted it before I hit send. I’d almost slipped and told her those words in her bedroom earlier, but those words felt . . . hopeful somehow. And maybe one day we would be together, but first I had to find my way back into the light on my own, without needing to steal a bit of hers just to survive.
Jesse: It was good seeing you, too.
Fuck, that feels so empty. Pale in comparison to what I wrote in my letters.
Jesse: Weird that A.J. is quitting.
Ella: Right? So weird.
