Page 25 of The Lost Letters

I smiled at the fact we both sucked at texting. I couldn’t help but wonder what she’d think if she knew I sat down and wrote to her, though.

Ella: But if this keeps him safer, and he’s happy . . .

I doubted whatever A.J. and Marcus planned to really do with Scott and Scott Securities was safer, but I wasn’t about to tell her that.

Jesse: Of course.

Simple. Straightforward. And cowardly.

Jesse: Hope you sleep well, Ella. Goodnight.

I wanted to add more, tell her how I wanted her to come over and share the bed with me. Pin her body beneath mine and kiss every inch of her till she was writhing in anticipation. How I wanted to devour her, taste her sweet mouth . . . her clit.

Clearing my throat, I licked my dry lips and adjusted my hardening cock. At least part of me is not dead. Sighing in frustration, I hung my head. Ella was the only person who could ever make me feel alive again.

My phone pinged, and I inwardly sighed reading her response.

Ella: Sleep well, too. Goodnight.

I could almost hear the sadness in her words. Her disappointment that the conversation was over.

There was no denying it, we wanted each other.

But would we ever find our way . . . to each other?

Cursing, I chucked my phone and removed my boxers, preparing to get myself off. I may not have been worthy of Ella in real life, not yet at least . . . but in my fantasies, I was, and she was always the star of the show.

LETTER

JESSE

DEAR ELLA,

I don’t even know at this point if I’m writing to you or talking to myself, but clearly this is the only way I’m able to express myself while being so far away. You’ve seen my texts. Not so great.

But I want to tell you something. Tell you that my love for you keeps growing. It’s like a nuclear reaction—burning bright and strong every day even when we’re thousands of miles apart.

I know I haven’t been the best man in my life. Not that you even know the shit I’ve done.

I’m on my last deployment before I leave the Army, and my time over here has shown me just how much I need to work on my demons.

I promise, every day, I strive to be a better man for you, to be the kind of person who deserves your love and admiration. My intentions are always pure even if it doesn’t seem that way.

This deployment has been tough. More so than the last time. Maybe because I can’t fight to take the edge off like I was doing back in North Carolina. And maybe, in some weird way, it’s because it’s my last one. Makes no sense, but . . .

There are days when I feel like giving up, but then I think of you, and everything becomes clear. You’re the reason I’m fighting (the good kind of fighting, not the kind I’ve been doing with my fists).

But you’re the reason I’m trying to be a better man. I swear.

I want to come back to you feeling whole again, ready to be the man you deserve.

I can’t promise you the world, but I can promise you this: my love for you will never fade, and if we can be together one day, I’ll always do my best to make you smile.

I know now more than ever you’re the one I want to spend my life with, Ella. I just wish I knew how to make that happen.

It’s so cold and dark today but writing to you gives me some light and warmth. The idea of seeing you again . . .

Always yours,

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