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He collapsed to his knees before falling forward in agony. Forehead resting in the dirt, he pounded the ground with his fist as sobs continued to shudder through his body.
I ran over to him, dropped to his side and hugged his trembling frame. Laying my head on his back, I closed my eyes and we cried together.
I didn’t need to look to know Jesse was near us. I could feel him—quiet and unsure of what to do, or how to show emotion—but his simple presence was all we both needed.
A.J. shifted, and I finally sat up and smoothed my hand up and down his back.
“Just . . . last week . . . it’s like he knew his time was up,” A.J. said a few seconds later as he tried to push up, obviously struggling, overcome by emotions.
“Savanna. She’s . . .” I began.
“I’m here.”
I startled at the sound of her voice, letting go of A.J., then shifted on my knees to see Savanna in the doorway. Light shone all around her like it was . . . like it was Marcus’s light protecting her—embracing her—and oh God . . .
Struggling to move, Jesse helped me up while A.J. remained on the ground, eyes locked on Savanna.
I ran over and embraced her as she broke down and cried.
I’d seen her since the horrible night Marcus was killed, but this was her first time seeing A.J. since he’d been overseas with Marcus when it happened.
“I’m so sorry, Savanna,” A.J. choked out, bowing his head again. “I’m so fucking sorry. He was the best of us. And if . . .”
“It’s not your fault, A.J.,” Savanna whispered once we unlocked arms, and she swiped at the tears on her puffy cheeks.
The anguish and exhaustion were clear on A.J.’s face, but he gripped Jesse’s hand and hauled himself to his feet. Joining me in front of Savanna, he offered her the black band.
Shaking her head, she closed his fingers over it. “He would want it to stay with the team. Wear it in his memory and know that he will always have your six.”
Savanna choked out a sob and A.J. grabbed hold of her and pulled her into his arms as they both broke down again. As he held her, Jesse and I left the workshop to give them a moment alone to grieve.
Outside, I spotted Marcus’s classic red Mustang. Savanna never drove it, but today . . . yeah, today . . .
I sniffled, trying to keep the tears at bay. Then again, there was no reason to fight them. How did this happen? How was Marcus gone?
Jesse laced his fingers with mine as we both stared at the bright red car in the distance, the sunlight washing down over it.
“Why were they fighting terrorists when they were supposed to be retired?” I whispered what I’d only meant to ask in my head.
“I don’t know, Ella,” he said, rubbing his thumb soothingly over mine. “I don’t know.”
I kept hold of his hand but turned to peer at him. “I can’t lose you, Jesse McAdams.” My chest was tight. The pain damn near intolerable. “Promise me I won’t ever lose you,” I pleaded, tears falling down my cheeks again.
He closed his eyes, a tortured look on his face, and he mouthed, “I promise.”
LETTER
ELLA
JESSE,
I can’t stop thinking about Marcus.
Watching A.J. and Savanna grieve, watching their hearts ripped out was one of the most gut-wrenching experiences of my life. I can’t begin to imagine their pain. I’m devastated, and I didn’t know Marcus nearly as well as A.J.
I’m going to be there for Savanna, though. For A.J., too. No matter what.
I hate this. Hate the evil in this world. The evil you’ve been fighting. I wouldn’t survive if anything happened to you or A.J.
