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“This is as much a physical game as a mental one,” he’d told me as I wiped away my tears. “And you gotta get your mental game stronger, son. I think you might need some help.”
I did. I still do, though I’m working on myself. After I left his office, Coach sent me some mental wellness info and told me to look into it.
I’ve now been going to a therapist twice a week. Our campus offers free mental health services, and after so many years of suffering with horrible self-worth and believing I’m not good enough for anyone, I already am feeling better. And I’ve only met with Betty, my therapist, a handful of times.
It feels good, talking to someone I don’t know. Who will listen without judgment and ask me those tough questions. I told her about my parents. My worries about my future.
About Blair.
Only a little bit of Blair. She’s not the problem in my life.
I am.
A month probably isn’t long enough to heal myself, but it’s a start, and I wish I could just declare to Knox right now that I’m in love with his sister, but he’d probably cause a scene.
And Blair would call bullshit because we haven’t talked since that night. The night she was so fucking harsh toward me, and I deserved everything she said. Her belief in herself is inspiring. If I had half of her self-confidence, I’d be unstoppable.
“Should we get another pitcher?” Knox asks me after he’s had his fifth slice of pizza.
I shake my head. “I’m done. I just want water.”
“I notice you’re not drinking as much,” my friend says, his expression turning serious. “You laying off it on purpose?”
Blair is quiet and I can tell she’s waiting to hear my answer.
“I’m not drinking near as much, yeah. My dad is an alcoholic. I don’t want that happening to me,” I say, just laying it all out there.
“He is?” Knox frowns. “You’ve never told me that.”
“It’s hard to admit.” I send Blair a quick look to find she’s watching me, her gaze soft. “I don’t know why. It’s not my problem. It’s his.”
“At least you’re self-aware,” Joanna says with an encouraging smile.
“I’m proud of you,” Blair murmurs, and my heart feels lighter at hearing her words.
That’s what I wanted to hear. What I needed.
Blair’s approval.
We hang out for a while, Knox finishing off the rest of the beer and the last skinny slice of pizza, and when he and Joanna share a sly glance, I know they’re going to bail on us.
“We’re gonna get out of here. But that doesn’t mean you kids need to run off.” Knox slides out of the booth, Joanna following him. “I’m glad you met up with us, Blair. You need to do it more often.”
“Thanks for including me,” Blair says, smiling at Knox and Jo. “Let’s hang out again soon.”
They say their goodbyes, and the moment they’re gone, I turn to her. “You want to leave, I get it. I should go too.”
Blair frowns. “Where are you going?”
“To the gym.” My bag is always in my car, ready at any moment to go and work out for an hour. Or two. “I’ve been working out almost every night.”
“Even after practice?”
“Yeah. Sometimes before, too. I need to be in top playing form, you know?”
She smiles. It’s faint, but it’s there and seeing it gives me way too much hope. “Did my dad tell you that?”
“He did.” I nod. “I’ve been working on…a lot.”
