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“I didn’t do anything!” I argued, and it was her turn to laugh. “I wanted to let you know I’ll be home tomorrow night.”
“And you’re sure there isn’t another reason you called to talk to me?” she prompted again, and I felt myself slipping.
I wasn’t sure how she did it, but she always knew when something was up. She had that superpower even when Alex and I were kids. It sucked then, and it sucked now.
She continued when I didn’t say anything. “You know I love hearing from you—”
“Ma, I don’t wanna mess up,” I blurted out
“Mess up what?” she replied softly. “Did you already mess it up?”
“Not yet,” I said.
“Then you won’t mess it up,” she stated matter-of-factly.
“My track record agrees with me,” I admitted with a hint of shame in my voice.
Mom picked up on it immediately. “So I’ll ask you again, baby. What did you do?”
I swallowed and ran a G-rated version of the story through my head.
She chuckled. “Are you censoring for me?”
“Of course I am,” I reassured her, and she laughed again. I took a deep breath and turned my head quickly toward the door to make sure I was still alone on the deck. When the coast was clear, I turned my attention back to the water and continued, “I slept with someone I actually might like, and now I don’t know what to do.”
“I’m tryingveryhard to ignore that you’re making this sound like this is the first time you’re sleeping with someone you actually like.”
I did my best not to laugh. Sometimes her tone was too much for me to take. “I care about this girl—like a lot. We’ve been friends for a while, and before her, I didn’t care if I messed anything up afterward,” I explained.
“Well, what do you want to happen?” she prompted.
I shrugged. “I'm not sure.”
“Well, what does she want?”
“I'm not sure,” I repeated and recognized how lame my issue sounded.
“Jaxon, how are you supposed to know what to do next if you don’t know what either of you wants?” she asked in the same tone she used when she questioned how I could forget something on her shopping list.
I turned around so my back was against the railing, and I folded my arms. “I don’t want to label anything. This all happened last night, and I just feel like it’s too early to figure out what happens next. This is why I don’t do the morning-after.”
“Well surprise, J. It’s the morning-after, and you’re sitting here trying to figure it out. So something inside you wants to make this right. You just have to figure out what right looks like for you.” I heard a car door slam on the other end of the line. “I just pulled up to the conference center. I love you, baby. Don’t be a jackass, and we’ll talk more when you get here tomorrow night.”
“Go kill it, Ma.” I smiled, and I knew she was smiling back.
The hardest part about having a boss-ass businesswoman like Evelyn for a mom was that she always told me the harsh truth about things. I knew she wasn’t fond of the lifestyle I had with women. She always told me that as long as I was clear about what I wanted, there wasn’t anything she could think badly about. I never made promises. I left everything open because I didn’t want to tie myself to someone I couldn’t be upfront and honest with.
I couldn’t leave everything open with Maci because everything about this was different. I cared about her, and right before I slept with her . . . she told me that she loved me. I never thought I would be in a place where either of those items didn’t send me running just because it was the easier option. For the first time, neither of those areas of concern scared me.
I wanted to see where things went with Maci. She spent five months hooking up with Bryson, and he was in a completely different mindset than I was. I didn't see why she couldn't do the same thing with someone who actually cared about her. I wouldn’t lie to Maci, I wouldn’t sleep around on her, and I wanted to be with her even when I had other options available.
I’d have to work on the phrasing—because it sounded terrible in my head. But so far, it was all I had.
Chapter64
Maci
March 2016
