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A nervous laugh escaped me at the sound of his name. Images from last night started to cloud my head as I tried to playback every little detail. Once we got back to our apartment, he quickly persuaded me to come back to his place to chill in the hot tub. We filled two travel mugs with Mike’s Hard and walked all the way from my apartment to his.
“You didn’t recognize the building?” Katie asked once I was done with the intro. “You’ve dropped Jaxon off at his place before.”
“He took me through the back entrance.” I shrugged. “And I was in that bubbly-buzzed phase. He could’ve walked me into another bar, and I would’ve just rolled with it.”
“I do love a bubbly-buzzed Maci.” Katie shook her head and smirked. “And I bet Bryson did too.”
I rested my head in my hand and sighed. “It was good, Katie.Hewas good.”
I remembered the way his hands felt going up my sides and the way they cupped my face. I remembered how his kiss was soft and gentle at first, almost like he was asking permission, before he laid me on his bed and kissed his way down to my bathing suit bottoms.
“Are you going to see him again?” Katie interrupted my erotic playback.
I didn’t know how to answer her question. I felt a ping of disappointment and realized that we hadn’t discussed any next steps on our drive to drop me off this morning. Bryson had been nice in our sober morning-after scene, but I knew absolutely nothing about him.
A new feeling I didn’t recognize started taking over my headspace. I let it drown out any doubt I would have normally focused on for the remainder of my Sunday. For the first time after hooking up with someone,I didn’t care if we saw each other again. There was no anxiety about deciphering what had happened the night before. If I didn’t see him again, it would suck. But it wouldn’t ruin anything for me in the future.
Bryson was gorgeous. Light brown skin, golden-brown eyes, and a panty-dropping smile all wrapped in a body of tender muscles. I could onlyimaginethe lineup of girls who had been in and out of that bedroom before me.
In just a few short hours, he was able to make me feel comfortable enough to sleep with him and evenstay the night. Those were two events I never decided on that quickly when I first met someone. Some charming conversation and smooth moves, and I was comfortable just letting it all go. I wasn’t sure if that said more about me or how guys had treated me in the past. I also didn’t know which one was more pathetic.
“I don’t know!” I said excitedly and noted Katie’s confused expression. “We didn’t talk about it. Katie . . .” I smacked a hand on the table in front of me and gave her a moment to process my mood swing. The words gained momentum as I came to my mind-shattering realization. “This could be my Fun Dip. This could be the hookup that doesn’t matter!”
“So Jaxon is out of the running, then?” Katie’s voice went up an octave, and she tried not to sound disappointed.
“Jaxon took himselfout of the running,” I stated firmly. I didn’t want to show any signs of weakness to Katie. Jaxon had also become a part of her life when we formed a friendship.
I could look into this Fun Dip situation as long as Jaxon remained a part of my life. The possibility of losing Jaxon, unlike the carefree response I had to Bryson, scared the shit out of me.
* * *
An entire schoolweek went by without seeing Jaxon or Bryson, and I tried not to look too much into it. I understood that I was just a girl from the bar to Bryson and that I was just an option to hang out for Jaxon, even though Jaxon’s explanation hung much heavier on me than Bryson’s.
Jaxon hadn’t come to Journalism and Publications all week. When I texted him what he missed in class, he responded with a thumbs-up emoji, one of the most pathetic responses of our generation. It was borderline devastating to our friendship, and I knew he was avoiding me.
I missed Jaxon to the point where it hurt to think about him. I missed having him near me and knowing he would be there if I called him. It was nauseating to know that if I called him right now, he would probably send my pathetic ass to voicemail.
I started the third body paragraph for my essay on “Differentiation Among High School ELA” and glanced down at my phone. I tapped the screen in case I may have missed something while I was typing, but it was just as dry as when I looked ten minutes ago.
It was Friday afternoon, and I was done with classes for today. Katie would be home from her last class in about an hour, but I couldn’t stay in my own headspace much longer. I sat my laptop on the coffee table and strolled into the kitchen to pour myself a hefty and much-needed glass of Moscato.
I knew my friends inOne Tree Hillwould understand, so I propped my feet up on the coffee table, sipped my wine, and sang out loud with Gavin DeGraw to introduce the cast. One large glass in, and I was cheering on Brooke Davis as she fought for equal rights at Joe’s Crab Shack.
“Yes, queen!” I laughed at the screen and pursed my lips at my empty glass. I probably should have eaten a sandwich before attempting to drink away my sorrow.
I padded back into the kitchen to pour the remainder of the bottle into my glass when I heard my phone ding. I held my breath, hoping to see Jaxon’s name and the creepy side-eyes emoji on my screen.
Instead, I saw Bryson’s.
I lowered myself slowly onto the couch and stared blankly at the TV. Brooke Davis was scribbling her name on the class president sign-up sheet when I picked up my phone and read the message.
Bryson:
What are you up to?
I didn’t know what to say. It was as if, even though we had already slept together, I was talking to him for the first time.
I took a picture of my wine glass withOne Tree Hillin the background and hit send. I needed a little more time to draft an actual response with words. I barely sat my phone down before he responded.
