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“Oh, absolutely,” he answered quickly, and I laughed. “Heather is kind of obsessed with me, so she is easy to keep around for some butt. But Reagan was much more laid back about it, and when it became too much drama, we just stopped talking.”
I tried to look past his choices of words, but I couldn’t. He sounded just like Bryson.
“Well, it sounds like they’re both offering up their services,” I joked, ensuring I didn’t sound disappointed. He nudged me playfully with his arm and went around the car to the passenger side.
On the short drive back to my apartment, I reflected on the first half of my junior year. So much had happened in just a few short months. I met a guy I couldn’t imagine my life without and a guy I could hook up with that fit my Fun Dip criteria. Unfortunately for me, they weren’t the same person.
I wanted to be more with Jaxon, but he didn’t want to be more than friends with me. Bryson was a great hookup guy, but I struggled with how he made me feel about myself and what I wanted. It truly was a travesty, having two hot guys running around in my headspace at such an exhausting rate.
We pulled up to Jaxon’s Jeep and I got out to hug him goodbye. I refused to part ways with an awkward car hug.
He wrapped his heavy arms around my shoulders and I slipped mine around his waist. His body heat radiated through his hoodie, and his familiar scent of body wash relaxed my shoulders. I tried to soak in the feeling one last time before I went without it for a month.
He dipped his mouth to my ear and whispered, “I’m gonna miss you, Mace.”
His breath was hot on my neck, and a familiar tingle returned underneath my belly button. I squeezed my eyes and reprimanded myself for getting emotional. I cleared my throat to hide the evidence and answered, “I’m going to miss you too.”
These past few days were exactly what I needed. All of the extra time with Jaxon solidified that I could do the ‘just friends’ gig if that was what he wanted. Even though things changed a little bit after the Halloween run-in, the foundation was still there. I hated how this goodbye was so hard for me.
“I’ll see you in a few weeks.” His voice was husky, and he sounded tired.
I released his waist and turned to walk back to the driver's side of my car. The faster I left, the faster I could be alone with my thoughts. Every cell in my body wanted to gravitate back over to him, grab his face and kiss him like I did back in October. But I wouldn’t allow myself to risk it, not after we almost lost everything.
“Mace?”
I stopped halfway into the car, and my eyes met his gaze.
“Let me know when you make it home.” He grinned and climbed into his Jeep.
Part II
Chapter26
Maci
January 2016
Heading backto Bowling Green had become like muscle memory. It was one of those instances when you knew you were driving, but you didn’t remember how you ended up somewhere. Before you knew it, you were putting the car in park but couldn’t remember pulling into the parking lot.
I wasn’t sure if that even made sense. I was too exhausted at the thought of lugging all my belongings back into the apartment to care.
“Are you there already?” Katie asked.
I had spent the last hour of my drive talking with her so I stayed awake. It was Saturday night, and most people wouldn’t be back on campus until tomorrow, possibly even Monday, depending on what time their first class was.
My car hummed quietly in the lot of our apartment. “I just pulled in.” I sighed and turned off the engine.
“Text me once you get settled. I love you!”
“I love you too, Katie.” I grinned and ended the call.
Returning to Bowling Green felt refreshing, like I was returning to a different version of myself. Back in Columbus, I was wrapped up in old friends, old drama, and a life I didn’t plan to return to after leaving high school. My mom had practically begged me to stay another night after my brother, Chase, headed back to Pittsburgh with his boyfriend. My dad spent most of the break traveling for work, and I wondered if there were times she got lonely being by herself. I felt bad leaving her alone, but I wanted time to relax before the new semester started on Monday.
Once I got everything inside, I collapsed along with my bedding onto the living room floor. All of the Christmas decorations were still hung, and I relaxed into the warm sensation that flooded around me. It was good to be home.
I basked in the silence for only a minute or two before deciding it was too quiet without Katie. I pulled up our Spotify account on the TV and hit shuffle. “Hello” by Adele drifted through the speakers, and I pulled myself up to start unpacking.
After an hour or so, I rummaged in the fridge until I found the leftover bottle of SKYY Vodka from last month’s haul and the tiny bit of stagnated cranberry juice. I shook the bottle of juice and stared as the bubbles settled. It might not be the freshest drink I’ve ever thrown together, but it would have to do. I had no plans of leaving this apartment tonight.
