AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I was right back in her bedroom that night when I said no. That same night I pretty much gave her up to Bryson. I wasn’t sure that if I could go back, I would make a different decision. I wouldn’t sleep with her, but I would make damn sure that she didn’t run into Bryson. He was the spitting image of the version of myself that I didn’t want her to meet. Maybe if she hadn’t run into him, this wouldn’t be so hard.
I liked her. I cared about her. When I was away from her, I missed her. I hated that she was sleeping with Bryson, and I hated that it could’ve been me. It could’ve been me in the sense that we would have the same outcome and eventually fall out and end up hating each other. But I wouldn’t have to watch my best friend sleep around with the one girl I couldn’t shake and get out of my head.
The one girl I fell for.
I watched her walk back to the living room and settle into her spot on the couch. As she blew on her soup, her right dimple reappeared, and she gestured for me to come and sit next to her. My chest felt like it was unraveling from the inside out. Suddenly I was wrapped up in words I wanted to say but didn’t know how.
I couldn’t tell her how I felt. What good would that do? It would be shitty for me to say something and then disappoint her when it didn’t work out. I didn’t want to date her; I just didn’t want her to be with anyone else. The vicious circle of thoughts was mind-numbing. They were selfish, and I was in no position to dangle feelings in front of Maci just to reel them back in.
I sat beside her, and she waited patiently for me to get settled. Once my feet were back on the coffee table, her legs stretched across my lap. I leaned back into our binge-watching position and paused the multiple conversations in my head.
The four of us sat around the coffee table with one of Katie’s dinners while Maci’s show played in the background. Connor checked out Katie every chance he could, and Katie acted like she didn’t notice. Maci’s body was next to mine, and I tried to make up my mind about what the hell I was doing.
It was like a break didn’t even happen, and it was like we never left.
Chapter34
Maci
January 2016
It felt incrediblycomforting to have Jaxon back in our apartment on a Thursday evening. Having him here made me feel better about all of the stress and anxiety that came with starting new classes and figuring out how the semester was going to work.
There wasn’t a day that went by over break when I didn’t think about him. All the times I went out with friends to hometown bars and house parties, I wanted to look across the room and see him staring back at me. I wanted him to come up from behind me when guys hit on me or when they got too close to let them know that I was his. All the time I spent away from him made it clear how much I depended on him to show up for me. I needed him in a way that scared me and overwhelmed me with the fear of losing him.
When I was in high school, I had two relationships. One guy lasted about six months, and the other guy lasted a year. When I got to BGSU, I dated Isaac, a sophomore on the football team. All three of them had slept with me and made me experience the ups and downs of emotions that came with relationships. Yet none of them compared to how Jaxon made me feel.
Jaxon handed me his empty bowl of soup since my legs were still in his lap. I set his dish on the coffee table, and his arms rested casually on top of my shins. It was such a natural pose to be in, but somehow with Jaxon, it felt intimate. I ached to have him skim the back of my thighs with his hands and lean over so his body was above mine. Of course, for many reasons, that would never happen. Katie and Connor were right in front of us on the floor, and the body language I just envisioned didn’t happen between friends.
“What time does your last class end tomorrow?” Katie asked.
“I should be home by three-thirty.” I placed my empty bowl on Jaxon’s and snuggled into the corner of the couch.
Even though it was only a little after seven, I felt like going to bed. I was half tempted to when I saw that Jaxons’s eyes were closed. But I wasn’t ready for him to leave yet, and tonight we didn’t have any excuses for him to stay with me.
Connor shifted into the recliner and pulled Katie into his lap. All four of us looked like we were battling a food coma.
“We need to get some drink stuff for tomorrow before people come over,” Katie said sleepily, resting her head on Connor’s chest.
I envied how easy it was for her to be with Connor. He had been here a lot this week, and I couldn’t name anything I didn’t like about him. He was sweet, gorgeous and treated Katie like she was a queen. I mean, she was, but as her best friend, it was my job to look for red flags she overlooked because of her love blinders. So far, I came up blank.
“That sangria drink you made last time was pretty potent,” Jaxon said with his eyes still closed. I wasn’t aware that he was listening, and I didn’t know if he was coming out tomorrow.
“Are you coming here tomorrow with me before we go out?” Connor asked.
I bit the inside of my cheek and shifted my gaze back to Jaxon. His green eyes popped against his black hoodie, and his sleepy expression tested every impulse in my body. How could someone be that gorgeous just sitting on a couch in sweats?
He was waiting for some sort of answer, and I wasn’t sure what to say. Connor’s question stemmed from a whole different conversation I had with Bryson earlier this week.
“That’s my bad,” Katie piped up. “Maci and I were talking about going out this weekend while she was on her way to class, and I told her I would text you about it. I probably got distracted.”
I shook my head and played along with Katie’s lie, saved once again by her elite quick-thinking skills.
Jaxon shrugged. “It’s fine, Katie. I know I come in second now that Connor’s here.”
“You better know that.” Connor smirked. Katie rolled her eyes and giggled when Connor tickled her side. He looked back to Jaxon and continued, “I know the guys are meeting at the bar, but you can come with me to pregame here if you want.”
“The guys?” Jaxon looked directly at me now. There was no more batting around the one piece of information no one had mentioned.
