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“Tonight was a lot,” I snapped and felt myself reeling into the jackass headspace. She felt the shift and took a step toward me.
“Yeah, it was. I’m sorry all of that happened, but for what it’s worth, and I’m sorry if this sounds shitty”—her eyes met mine—“I’m glad you were there.”
I shrugged. “I’m always there, Mace.”
The skin around her eyes softened, and I knew she was getting into her head. I just didn’t know what else to say.
“Yeah.” She turned to head back inside. “Good night, Jaxon.”
Chapter38
Maci
January 2016
As soon asI shut the door, I made a beeline for the bathroom. I turned the shower on as high as it would go and turned the sink on using both the hot and cold water knobs. I steadied myself against the sink, and I sobbed uncontrollably.
My whole body shook, and I lowered myself onto the toilet seat. I covered my face with both hands and let my chin fall. I had allowed myself to cry earlier in the shower once Katie was out of the bathroom. I cried over how shitty I felt because of Bryson. I cried because I saw Tyler’s fist coming toward my face every time I closed my eyes. I cried because of how terrified Katie looked back at the bar and how she crumbled into Connor.
But this new round of tears had everything to do with the man who had just left. Tonight was a nightmare, but he was there when I needed him. He was there when Katie needed him. It didn’t take much for me to know if something was off with Jaxon. Another sob escaped my chest, and I reflected on how much had changed between us since we met at Myles Dairy Queen.
Two months was all it took for me to fall for him, and two months was all it took for us to mess it up. One weekend changed everything we had. Winter break forced us out of the bubble we created, and now here we were, five months later, stuck between where we wanted to be and what was easy. We were like some fucked up timeline we just couldn’t get right.
I closed my eyes and took three deep breaths. I stood up, wiped my eyes, and turned the hot water off so I could splash cold water on my face. When I looked up, my reflection in the mirror was unforgiving. I desperately needed sleep.
I turned off the shower and emerged from the bathroom. The lights in the apartment were all off except for the kitchen light. Katie and I always left that on in case one of us got up during the night.
My bedroom felt cold that night. Even though I was exhausted, I couldn’t get comfortable or get my mind to slow down. It was like I got a third wind as soon as my head hit the pillow. I pulled one of my spare blankets out from underneath the bed and shook it out over top of me.
I checked my phone one last time before I put it on the charger. I had no idea what time I fell asleep.
* * *
The morningafter a night out was always slow-moving. My eyes struggled to open as I felt the exhaustion, stress, and nausea from last night slowly seep into my body. I rolled over and clutched my extra pillow, breathing in the clean scent of laundry detergent and traces of my shampoo. For whatever reason, that actually made me feel worse.
I checked my phone for the time and saw it was almost one-thirty in the afternoon. I couldn’t remember the last time I slept this much of the day away. I listened for any signs of life out in the living room, and nothing came. Maybe Katie and Connor were still in bed too.
My bladder eventually shoved me from my room. I stood up, and a wave of last night’s cranberry and vodka hit my stomach. Steered by the stress of last night, it made its way to the base of my throat, and I ran to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and heaved my head into the toilet. There was a light knock on the door as soon as I turned to sit against the base of the sink.
“Maci?” Katie said from the hall. “Are you okay?”
I cleared my throat and stood up. “Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.”
I quickly brushed my teeth and gargled some mouthwash. When I walked into the kitchen, Katie and Connor were sitting at the dining room table.
“Good morning.” Connor attempted to be his usual, cheerful self, but none of us knew what the appropriate tone was for this morning.
“Morning.” I shot him a half smile and squeezed Katie’s shoulder on my way to the fridge.
Both had steaming cups of coffee in front of them, but I opted for a Dr. Pepper and a granola bar this afternoon. All of us were getting a late start to our day.
“Hey,” Katie said as soon as I sat down. I was glad that she looked well-rested despite how our evening turned out. “I know we were supposed to go out with Sam and Owen to Toledo tonight, but I’m just not up for that scene. Are you okay if I stay in?”
I cracked open my pop and took a bite of my granola bar. “Are you kidding? Do you mind if I third wheel?”
“Do I get to pick at least one of the movies?” Connor asked, realizing he just became outnumbered.
“I don’t care what you put on that screen.” I shook my head and took another sip of pop. I wasn’t sure how Dr. Pepper managed to cure me whenever I was nauseous, but it had become a staple in my BGSU lifestyle. “As long as I get to lay around all day and do absolutely nothing, I’m down.”
