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How can I tell him that that is exactly what scares me? That I’m twenty-three and he is forty-two? That we are at different phases in our lives and he has a daughter? Would we have more kids? I want kids at some point down the line. Would he want kids? These were fears and questions I had to share with him in our own private time when we can carve out our path together. Not in his office.
All these thoughts flounder through my head. I feel confused, lost, and most importantly, at a complete loss for words.
"Look," I say, eventually. "I won't lie. I have imagined a serious future with you. I imagine it all the time. In fact, I think ..." This admission is difficult for me to make, but I know I have to give him something to put his mind at ease after I know how strongly he feels for me. "I may love you. I don’t know what love is, but this is the closest thing I’ve felt to it. But there are some fears I have and questions too.”
"Like what?" he asks, concern etched in his eyes.
"Like what do you want your future to look like? Like you're forty-two, and I'm twenty-three. Like you haven't even met my dad yet and how does Emily fit into our lives together? What role will I play? Do you want more kids?"
He begins to open his mouth, but I raise my hand, indicating for him to stop. "Also, this is not the place, nor the time to talk about these things. This also wasn't the time and place to drop the word relationship on me. I mean, shouldn’t this have been a little more romantic?" I huff.
"Okay, Olivia," laughs Adrian. "Can I take you out for a romantic breakfast tomorrow?”
"That sounds nice," I respond.
“Okay, if that would be all,” he says, “I really do have to get back to work.”
“What?” I say, now clearly instigated. “That would not be all. That was a distraction you brought into the reason for me being in this office in the first place. Now what is all this nonsense about hiring another paralegal?”
“Olivia,” he says. “My hours are long. So are yours. Right now, I barely get to see you since you’re always out of the office on-site visits or meetings. When I do see you, you’re exhausted. If I hire someone, that person will work under you, and you not only get some more time on your hands to catch a break.”
“Adrian Carter,” I say, my hands on my hips. “You are insane to think that I would take a backseat when I am at the beginning of my career. You see, this is what I mean! You’re forty-two, and you forget how young I am. I’m just starting out. I need all the experience I can to get ahead – I don’t need your handouts. Why should I sacrifice my career just so I can be less tired and more available for a few extra booty calls for your pleasure?”
He raises an eyebrow in response to my last few words and is clearly embarrassed; even I’m ashamed to have said that. I groan and hide my face in my hands.
“So,” he speaks, his voice turning serious. “That’s what you think? That I want you to have time off for a booty call? You don’t know me well enough then, do you Olivia?”
I think I jumped the gun on that one. “Adrian,” I say softly. “That’s not what I meant.”
“And when you said you want to get ahead in your career, tell me, what is it you want to do? Where do you want to reach? Answer this as you would your boss,” he asks me, leaning forward and placing his chin on his hands.
“I always wanted to get a law degree and eventually move on to running pro-bono cases for people in need.”
“You want to be a lawyer?” he asks.
“I want to help people, and that’s the only way I see how,” I add.
“If there was another way to do that, would you take it?” he asks.
I think about it and eventually nod, “Well, yeah. I would.”
“Olivia. I want you to have some balance just so you can focus on your end goal. Conserve your energy. Please, let me hire some additional help, and you are free to take on whatever site visits you like or don’t like. But think about all the benefits – you could spend time researching your further steps to meet the goals you have in place, or you could move forward towards that law degree. You need time to do those things, and right now, it doesn’t seem like you have that time. Does it?”
At last, he’s won me over. I’ve been so used to doing this on my own my whole life that sometimes, I don’t even recognize I need help when I need it. At last, I say what I know is the right response. “You may be right,” I say. “You are right. I need to think about my future career trajectory, and right now I’m swamped. Fine. It might not be the worst idea to have some additional help.”
“Thank you,” says Adrian. He reaches across the desk and takes my hand in his own. I give it a gentle squeeze.
“Now, if I can get back to work …” I ask.
“Yes, busy bee. I’ll see you tonight.”
“I’ll pick you up for breakfast tomorrow,” he says. “At 8:00 am.”
“Hope you don’t meet any traffic,” I giggle, referring to our new friendly neighbor jokes. I leave the room as he scoffs and opens up his laptop.
CHAPTER 18
Adrian
