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"You're a wonderful reminder there is a silver lining to all of this after all."
"That's funny. I was just about to mention how you were my silver lining after I lost my job when they closed the boutique." Amy said around a mouthful of steamed broccoli.
"Well, I'd like to think we recently found each other for a reason.... and you had an SUV that I could easily get in and out of. That was the icing on the cake." I winked.
Then feeling a swell of affection for Amy’s friend and my sister-in-law, I was compelled to express my emotion. "Ariel's been incredibly patient with me, too. She checks on me regularly all while trying to balance time with her husband and dealing with the stress that comes with being.... a new Mom." I sighed, sipping my tea.
“Ariel is awesome, isn’t she.” Amy nodded and looked up, her voice gentle as she inquired, "Have you checked your security app yet?"
"That's right. Thanks for the reminder," I said, digging around in my purse for my phone. "The security situation is another stressor for all of us," I entered my password, verifying the GPS location on my phone was indeed where I actually was, "I think it's harder on Ariel and my brother than it is for me. You know, it is difficult to have a moment of privacy when you have a security guard stationed inside your house.... no matter how big it is. Ariel mentioned how they used to enjoy making love anywhere and everywhere when they were living together in London... not anymore."
"Girl! Don't you have a guard inside the guest house with you?" Amy stared at me with a stunned expression.
"No. Not necessarily. The guest house is only one floor and much smaller than Guy and Ariel's mansion. Their house has three stories," I said.
Amy chuckled, "Yeah that's a lot different."
I nodded and smiled. "It is. But it's definitely been nice to have my own space where I'm able to work on getting stronger and regaining my independence."
"So... talking about independence. How is your grant writing program going?"
"Phew, well, remember I told you the other day about how we have to have a fake project and play like it is real?" Amy nodded, and I continued, "Mine is a project for a private school to get funding for a playground. I'm on the budget part. You really have to start there before you can write anything."
"Sounds like you're getting into it. If you need any help with budgets, hit me up. Doing budgets of all kinds is part of what I'm learning in my MBA program."
"I might take you up on that sometime," I told her.
"Is it hard for you to concentrate?" Amy asked, then waved her hand, blushing. "I'm sorry, that sounded insensitive."
"You're fine. Thanks for caring. To be honest, we talked about my handicap from the beginning when I hired you to be my driver. So, your question is not harsh, and yes, sometimes I lose my train of thought, like a while ago when you had to redirect me." I looked down, "I just hope someday I can get off these meds so I can drive again. Or at least the anti-seizure one. The doctor had to restrict my driver's license by law."
"It can be reinstated at some point.... can't it?" Amy asked, smiling.
"Yes, that's what I've been told." I blotted my lips and grinned. "You know, I think I want a piece of tiramisu after all."
"Let's make it two," Amy said, waving the waitress over to our booth.
We laughed and ordered, enjoying the sinfully decadent dessert before she signaled the waitress for the check, and I grabbed my purse. "We better get going. You have class, and I have a budget to figure out."
Amy smiled and nodded, "Yup! Time to get back to work."
It wasn't a long drive back to the Casa Palacious. Before I departed, I gave Amy an envelope containing her salary for that week. She leaned over the console before I closed the door, "I really appreciate you, Meagan, and.... for sure... you came into my life at just the right time. This will go toward my rent payment."
With one last wave over my shoulder, I shut the door and started up the steps. "See you soon!”
Inside, I walked to the high window, watched Amy's SUV disappear along the estate's curving lane, and bit my lip. Amy had been a Godsend, but how long would I be dependent on her — or someone to chauffeur me around?
I sighed and glanced over the grounds, recollecting the day I first saw this place. Ariel and Guy rescued me from rehab and invited me to stay with them. Otherwise, I would have had no choice but to move into an assisted living community full of a bunch of elderly people.
Suddenly, my palms trembled, and a large lump tightened my stomach. The signs were unmistakable...
"Shit... a panic attack!"
Reaching for my purse, I unzipped a small pouch and carefully sifted through all the medicine bottles until I found exactly what I was looking for. Popping a pill in my mouth, I rushed to the kitchen for a glass of water. Then closing my eyes, I reclined in the armchair, gazing up at the exposed beam ceiling and taking in the exquisite veining of the cypress wood as I waited for my pill to take effect. As I squeezed my eyes closed and focused on my breathing, little by little, I felt the terror ebb away until, finally, peace settled over me.
This was my first successful attempt at handling an anxiety attack without relying on my therapist or anyone else to help. Instead, I smiled as I looked around the room, feeling a growing sense of comfort and security in my surroundings. Then I heard the alarm on my phone indicating it was time for me to log into my course.
"Be thankful, Meagan. Gratitude will free your mind from the worries and anxieties of everyday life." Joyce's advice reverberated in my head. My therapist had been trying to teach me that I could find lasting gratification by concentrating on something other than myself.
