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Pulling myself out of the bed, I threw my hair in a ponytail, pulled on some leggings and a t-shirt, my tennis shoes, grabbed a towel, and headed downstairs to her home gym. When I entered she was already pumping away on the elliptical. She tapped her watch and nodded. “I see my threats of an ice bath are not lost on you.”
“I just don’t want to ruin your amazing bed,” I grumped, climbing on the treadmill next to her.
I pressed the buttons, starting at a fast walk until my heart got pumping. It had been a while since I worked out, and just as I knew would happen, once the blood got going, so did my brain. Feeling like I had to outrun it, I pumped up the speed until I was at a fast jog. I grabbed my earbuds from my pocket and plugged them into the jack in the treadmill, music immediately hitting my ears.
Of course, because she always thought of everything, Amber had made sure the music was upbeat and bumping. I threw my thoughts to the side and focused in on the beat of the music, running, every step stomping away the thoughts threatening to impede my mind. I didn’t know how long I had zoned out, but I didn’t stop until the treadmill slowed below my feet and my eyes focused in on Amber, hitting the button.
She raised a brow at me. “You gonna collapse?”
I came to a slow stop, putting my hands on my knees, panting. I shook my head, grabbing my water and chugging. “No…but that felt really good.”
“Mhmm,” Amber replied. “That’s why I made you come down. Now, go shower, we’re getting our hair done, nails done, and we’re fixing those horrible eyebrows of yours.”
I frowned, touching my brows. “They’ve been worse.”
“Girl you are two days away from that time you locked yourself in your room during spring break to study and only came out to bring dishes so you didn’t attract bears to your room.”
I shrugged. “I won’t argue with you. I’m just so unmotivated.”
“And?”
I blinked at Amber and she rolled her eyes, letting out a sigh. “Look. We are women. We see more heartbreak in life than anyone else. You were sad, you are sad and no workout or eyebrow wax will fix that. But you have to start taking steps. You know as well as I do that feeling better about your physical appearance always helps you handle mental health stuff easier. You are tough, tougher than I’ll ever be. And I know there is a lot of waiting to see right now, but you have to keep going.”
“I know, for Harper.”
Amber walked up and put her hands on my face, looking me in the eyes. “No, Sicily. For you. You have to keep going for you.”
I hadn’t thought about it like that before but it made a lot of sense. I gave her a tight smile and nodded. She nodded back and yawned. “Now, let’s go do some fun girl stuff together, get you looking and smelling like you, maybe a new haircut, change it up, and start moving one inch at a time toward the future.”
As we walked from the gym, I laughed. “I feel like you’re trying to get me pretty to marry me off.”
She shrugged. “Can’t have you living in my spare room forever.”
The afternoon was actually somewhat enjoyable. I smiled and laughed several times, and after my brows were waxed and lowlights were put into my hair, I sat, flipping through the hair books, feeling a bit daring. Did I feel better? No. Not in the least. But did I at least feel a little bit more like me? Sure.
I picked out a chin length, edgy, bob with blunt cut bottoms. I had to admit, for a small town salon, Amber sure had an amazing stylist. He cut and trimmed, poofed and moussed until I looked like a million bucks. I hadn’t had my hair that short since I was a little girl and took a pair of scissors to it. It was the last time I ever did that. My mom took me to a hair salon inside of a market and I left looking like Dorothy Hammel from the 80’s. Feathered sides, puffy top, short and really embarrassing when I went back to school. It took forever to grow it out.
But that haircut took five years off my tired face, and it was going to be much easier to handle when I had ten minutes to get ready while wrangling a small child. As he took the smock from around me and spun the chair, Amber walked in with two cups of coffee. She stopped in her tracks and her mouth fell open. “Holy shit, you still live in there. Only its the new and more trendy you. Girl, I love it.”
I turned back to the mirror and stared at my reflection, noticing the huge difference a day out with Amber made. I looked rejuvenated, pretty even. But my eyes told a different story. They told the story of the pain I was living with, far worse than any other break up I had been through. Maybe it was the intensity of the connection between us. Maybe it was the fact that I had done it. I was the reason I lost everything. Or maybe it was just the sheer fact that deep down I knew I would never find anyone I felt so connected to like I did Daniel, and that was my reality. It was a little of everything really, all rolled up in one ball of emotion cemented in the cavity of my chest where my heart once beat.
I could feel the tears start to form and I turned from the mirror, forcing a smile. I knew Amber didn’t buy it, but she went along with it, I think just happy that I was not crying or buried in my bed at the moment. We spent the rest of the day window shopping, and I listened to Amber talk about all the things that happened in the short time I was gone. To everyone else it was short, but to me it felt like my time in California had been another life. So much had been packed into that stay, from murder to attempting kidnapping, to realizing the love of my life, and losing him completely. It was far too much in such a short time.
“Wanna go out to the movies tonight?” Amber asked as she drove us back.
I looked over at her with a kind smile. “I love what you did for me today. I do feel a little better.”
“And you smell better,” she pointed out. “And we chased away Sasquatch.”
I nodded. “Yep, all the things. But I think I’ve had a lot, and I just want to relax. But I will relax like a normal human in the living room with some popcorn.”
“I can handle that,” she replied. “It was worth throwing out there. But thanks for trusting me.”
“Did I have a choice?” I asked with a chuckle.
She shook her head. “No, not at all.” She looked over at me with a grin. “Of course you did. You have a choice in everything because you can have your own life and make it anything you want. Sometimes, you just need a little ass kicking from me. I would like us to work out together like five days a week. Maybe not turbo mode like you did today but you know, take it one day at a time. It’s good for your head and your body.”
I shrugged. “Why not. I mean, I don’t really want to whither away. I just feel like it sometimes.”
