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Why couldn't I just stay the grumpy asshole that I was? It was much easier that way. No matter how much I yearned to take care of her, protect her, and be near her, I would stay away. Finally, she said what she wanted. She deserved to have whatever she wanted. She had been through enough.
I just wasn't sure how I would ever recover while her life kept going without me.
Chapter Nineteen
Amber
Sicily opened the front door and punched in the alarm code as I hobbled inside with my crutches. I took a deep breath, thankful for the comfort of home. Initially, knowing the psycho had been in my house, I wasn't sure I'd be comfortable coming back here. But after a week at the hospital, sponge baths, awkward showers with my foot on a stool and a nurse sitting in the other room in case I fell — plus the fact that my father had turned the place into Fort Knox, I was glad to be back.
I took my book bag of dirty clothes off my shoulder and hung it by the door, slipping my one flip-flop off. Sicily walked beside me, making sure I didn't slip and eat shit. I had been too stubborn to practice much with the crutches before leaving, so I was basically a walking hazard. But at least if I fell at home, I could save some of my dignity while I climbed back up without everyone coming running or witnessing my ass through the hole in the gown.
"The cleaning company cleaned all the remnants of the cops away," Sicily said as we headed into the living room.
I looked around, realizing that several things were missing. Ryder's keys were not on the counter. His helmet wasn't on the hook by the back door. His coat, usually on the back of the chair in the kitchen, was gone. I couldn't even smell his cologne anymore. He had gotten all of his things out of the house, and the cleaning crew had erased any trace of him.
Pushing back the aching in my chest, I looked up as one of the guards poked his head around the corner. "Just wanted you to know, we have two guards out back, two out front. So if you need anything, just set off the alarm or yell. Or break something…."
"Or sneeze," I joked.
He smiled. "And we will be here."
"Thanks," I said, knowing it wasn't his fault my father demanded bodyguards at all times.
The fact of the matter was, it actually made me feel better knowing they were there. I still struggled to fall asleep at night. I would stay awake until I had no choice but to close my eyes. I had a feeling it would be like that for a while, especially with Ryder no longer being there to make me feel safe.
"Are you sure you don't want to come to our house? Just for a few days until you get the hang of everything?" Sicily asked. "I can't stand the idea of leaving you here like this. Or I can stay here with you for a couple of days."
I hobbled over to Sicily and squeezed her shoulder. "I am sure. Double sure. I'm going to be hobbling around for a while. But I'm fine. I just want to get settled back in and move forward with my life. I can't sit here and live in this moment forever. I'm okay. Besides, you have a family, and you have a ton of stuff to do between work, the kiddo, and the wedding. I don't need a nurse."
Sicily and I walked into the living room, and I plopped, and Sicily put a pillow under my foot as I propped it up on the coffee table. My cast was princess pink, and the nurse had drawn little hearts all over it. It was the first cast I had ever had, and it was really uncomfortable. Sicily sat down in the chair across from me. "So, how did everything go when you came clean to your dad? I thought you would wait until you got home."
I shrugged. "I didn't want it to play out any longer than it had. I thought Daddy’s first reaction would be to be furious, but it wasn't, shockingly. He felt bad not sticking up for me with the board and knew that what I did, no matter how stupid, was because I wanted to make him proud and keep the company. I'm still his little princess, even if I won't be the next CEO."
"You think he'll still retire?"
I laughed. "Hell, yes. He is already one foot out the door. He has to let go eventually. And just because I'm not CEO doesn't mean I don't have a big influence over how the company is run. And technically, he still owns controlling shares. So who knows, maybe things will change down the line."
"I think maybe it's for the best right now anyway," Sicily said. "With so much that's happened, you need a little break."
I shook my head. "Actually, I feel the opposite. I just want to get back into it. I want to dive in head first."
Sicily chuckled. "Yes, because you are the queen of avoidance. You never deal with emotional things. You just bury your head in work."
"That's not true," I replied, pouting. "I cried some tears. I took some medicine. I am dealing with this whole event with a therapist."
Sicily stared at me, blinking. "You know very well I'm not talking about the attack."
I rolled my eyes. "It's done, Sicily. I ended it on a very blunt note. Oh, that reminds me. Can you grab the box from the front of my book bag?"
Sicily nodded and walked to the front of the house, pulling the box out. She sat down in the chair and opened it up. Her eyes went wide. "This is…"
"Beautiful," I sighed. "I know. It's like the perfect ring. The perfect engagement, the perfect ring, and the nonexistent relationship. Of course, I would get the things I wanted when it didn't count."
Sicily shook her head. "No. I mean, yes, it's beautiful. But I've seen it before."
My brow furled. "Where?"
"Daniel took me over to Ryders after everything calmed down with us. He had this ring in a small glass case, randomly on a bookshelf. I commented on how beautiful it was. He told me that it was his great-grandmother's engagement ring. It had been passed down through the family. When his father bought his mother their anniversary diamond, she passed it down to him. He joked at the time about how it would forever sit in the case because he wouldn't be getting married. But he did say that it was the ring given to the girl that took a Rhodes man's heart."
