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My phone vibrated again, and I glanced down, half expecting to see Benji’s name again. Instead, my stomach tightened.
Eli:
Be there in five.
I stared at the text. I’d completely forgotten he was coming today. I had my own car, so it wasn’t like I needed a ride. And I clearly had barely anything to pack. I should text him back and tell him I didn't need his help, and I’d meet him at his place later.
But I didn’t reach for my phone.
“Rae?” Lily’s voice pulled me from the spiral I was about to go down. “Are you listening to me?”
“What? Yeah,” I said. “Yeah. Eli’s on his way over. I have to go.”
“Wait—”
“What?” My finger hovered over the redend callbutton.
“You didn’t answer me. Have you heard anything back from Lorelai?” she asked, and I let out a long sigh.
“Not yet,” I said. “But she told me she probably won’t know until the retreat gets closer.” I chewed my lip. “Do you think she was just being nice and already knew she wasn’t going to hire me?” Lily snorted.
“Of course she’s going to hire you,” she said, as if it were a fact. “You’re the best yogi I’ve ever met.”
“That’s not true,” I laughed. “But thanks.”
“She’ll call you back, babe,” she said softly. “If she doesn’t, she’s a fucking idiot and doesn’t see your value.” I twisted my lips to the side.
It was hard to believe that.
Lorelai was the director of Lotus and was amazing at everything she did. She definitely wasn’t an idiot, and she knew who would make decent instructors. If she saw my potential, she would’ve hired me by now, right?
I rubbed my forehead as I sighed. “Yeah. Thanks, Lil.”
I was still tired and down after last night. The fight with Mom at the diner had been embarrassing, but the fight when she got home had been explosive. When she heard that I was moving out and in with Eli to take care of Emma, I thought she was going to have a heart attack.
She was upset, but I didn’t think it had anything to do with the fight or our tumultuous relationship. I think it was all because she wouldn’t be able to control me anymore. Not that she had much sway over my life, but when I was staying with her, she had a say. And I hated that. I hated having to answer to anyone, but especially her.
So, we fought until we were too tired to fight anymore. And we said things we shouldn’t have said. It wasn’t our worst fight, though. But I wished we could just get along. She just made it so fucking hard.
“I gotta go,” I said, grabbing my phone. Lily and I said our goodbyes, and I hung up. Benji’s texts were still on the screen, mocking me.
He seemed like a good guy. Better than some of my exes, at least. And he was cute. Maybe while I was in town, we could have a fling. Then I’d leave for Sri Lanka and we wouldn’t have to see each other again. Just a few casual hookups. Something fun to pass the time. To take the edge off.
Without giving myself time to think, I quickly typed a response.
Yeah, me too. Maybe we can hangout sometime?
His reply was immediate.
Benji:
Of course. Pick the time and place, and I’ll be there.
I smiled down at the text, my lip between my teeth. Maybe Lily was right. Maybe I needed to get laid, and maybe Benji was just the right man for the job.
* * *
I walkedinto Eli’s house and looked around. From where I stood at the front door, I could see the entire house. It had been six months since I last saw the place, but it looked mostly the same. Mourners weren’t crowding the space anymore, and there weren’t an absurd number of foil-covered casseroles on the table.
