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As they brought their plates over and sat with me, I couldn’t help but think that everything felt so normal. Like we’d done this a million times before. Like Reagan had always been here, and Emma had always looked up at her like she’d hung the damn moon.
We ate mostly in silence. Emma talked away, pretending to feed some of the pot roast to Uni before gobbling most of her plate up. Reagan gave me a small smile, like she knew how difficult it’d been for me to get Emma to eat actual food. But here she was, willingly doing it without an argument.
“It’s delicious,” I said roughly.
“Thanks, Daddy.” Emma smiled proudly, and I huffed out a laugh. I’d aimed it at Reagan, but it was probably better to pretend like I’d been speaking to Emma. The more distance I could put between Rae and me, the better.
Maybe I was right. Maybe I just needed to find a woman, get laid, and move on. I was just latching onto Reagan because she was here, but if another woman was around, I wouldn’t have to think about Rae while I fucked my fist every time I showered.
Iris was single. And she was a cute girl. A few years younger than me, recently divorced, no kids. She could work. But now that Emma wasn’t going to daycare anymore, I’d need an excuse to see her.
I could think of something.
“Eli?”
I blinked a few times, shaking my head slightly before I looked toward Reagan. Her head was tilted to the side, her dark brows pushed slightly together.
“What?” I asked, and she huffed out a laugh.
“I asked about your day,” she said softly. “How was it?” I blinked at her.
“My day?” I glanced at Emma, who seemed mostly oblivious to us. “My day was fine. Why?” She gave me a weird look.
“Just making conversation.” I nodded a few times, but that strange look never left her face. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m great.” I gave her a smile that didn’t reach my eyes. Before she could say anything, I continued. “How was your day? What did you two do?” I glanced at Emma again.
“We played for a bit,” she said, and when I looked back at her, the look on her face as she stared at Emma nearly gutted me. It was a soft, radiant look, like her entire face had lit up. I’d never seen someone look like that—so beautiful, and kind, and…and perfect. Shit. “Then we went outside and finger painted. There’s a picture on your door.” My eyes widened. She turned frantically toward me. “I mean, we hung it on your door. We didn’t paint on it.”
I let out a soft laugh that turned into a bigger, rumbling one. She paused before joining me. Even Emma was pulled away from Uni long enough to laugh, even though she didn’t know why.
“I wouldn’t have cared,” I said, taking another bite of my food, a smile still on my face.
“No?” She tilted her head to the side. “So, if we paint on your door and walls tomorrow—”
“It can be cleaned,” I shrugged. “If she’s happy,” I looked at Emma again, “I don’t care.” Reagan’s face fell into a relaxed smile.
“That’s really sweet,” she murmured, sliding her hand onto my forearm. I stared at it for a long moment before pulling away. Her hand fell to her side. I felt her staring at me, but I refused to look at her.
“Thanks for dinner,” I said as I took the last bite and stood. I needed to get away from her.
Farfucking away.
10
reagan
I smoothedmy hand over my skirt. I didn’t know what to wear, if a skirt was too much, if jeans weren’t enough. But in the end, Lily told me to wear the skirt. So here I was. Wearing the skirt.
God. I felt ridiculous.
Benji would be here any minute, and I had to somehow explain to Eli that I had a date. I’d been too nervous to tell him earlier, so I’d avoided him since last night.
After dinner, he got weird. So it was just easier for everyone if I hid in my room and let him and Emma spend time together. Without me.
That’s the way it was supposed to be, right? I was just here to hang out with her during the day, not to be anything more than a nanny when Eli needed me. But a part of me really loved having a family dinner with the two of them.
And how fucked up was that? I didn’t want to take my sister’s place.
