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A sob tore from my throat. Tears raced down my cheeks.
“It wasn’t supposed to end like this,” I choked out. “You had everything to live for,” I cried. “Why?” My shoulders shook, and I fisted my hands, banging them on his headstone. “Why?!” I yelled.
“Uncle Harlow?”
I slowly lifted my head and turned, looking at the two kids rushing toward me, their stunning, blonde mom trailing behind them. I rolled my lips into my mouth, but the sob rising in my chest almost choked me, forcing me to release the pitiful sound.
Carl’s kids launched themselves into my arms, and I clutched them to me, crying so hard that I could barely drag air into my lungs. “Hey, kids,” I rasped. I leaned back and ran my hands over their beautiful faces, my chest aching at how much they looked like their father.
Their father that they would never see again.
Fuck, it hurt to even think about. They lost so much so early in life.
“It’s good to see you again,” Meghan, Carl’s wife, said softly, running her hand over my buzzed hair. “I knew you’d come when the time was right. The kids missed you, Harlow. We all missed you. No matter if my husband is here or not,” she blew out a shaky breath, “you’re still part of our family.”
I burrowed my face in the kids’ curls, my entire body shaking. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “God, I’m so fucking sorry.”
She gripped my face in her hands and brushed her thumbs over my damp cheeks. Her eyes were filled with tears, and one slipped down her cheek. “I miss my husband every damn day, Harlow. Every fucking day, I wake up with the pain of part of my soul missing. But I know he put himself in front of you for a reason. No matter how cruel and fucked up fate is,everythinghappens for a reason, and I cling to that with everything in me.”
I released her kids, letting them wander off to play so they wouldn’t be forced to hear this conversation. “How do you not hate me?” I rasped, not understanding. He’d been helping me. He was shot because ofme.
“He loved you like a brother, Harlow. He made me promise if something ever happened to him, I would look out for you. And I’ve tried to give you your space, but not anymore, Harlow. You look a mess, and I know if Carl were here, he’d be kicking your ass.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” I reminded her, my voice shaky.
A watery smile tilted her lips. “I don’t hate you because I know he was happy. We lived a happy, fulfilling life, Harlow. He gave me two beautiful children. He gave me stability, something I’d never had growing up. He showed me how beautiful life could be as long as I didn’t always focus on the ugly parts. Our time together was up, and he gave up his life so you could have something beautiful, too.”
I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her to me. We sat like that for what felt like hours. Her kids rushed around the cemetery, laughing and squealing, Colwyn keeping watch over them as Meghan and I did our best to hold each other together, silently crying for everything we’d lost.
13
Xavier
Ihadn’t heard from Harlow all day, but I was trying to be optimistic about it. No news was good news, right? It meant he was handling himself okay. And maybe Colwyn was still there with him, so he wouldn’t be alone and couldn’t go too deep in his head.
If anyone might know how Harlow was feeling, it was Colwyn. Even I knew no one retired from the military and didn’t live through a tragic loss.
But still, not hearing from Harlow was wracking my nerves. And it took every ounce of my restraint not to reach out to him. To give him his space. I didn’t want to smother him and make him lash out again because fuck, that had been horrible. It wasn’t that I wanted to treat him like he was a fragile piece of glass, but at the same time, I knew everything was delicate.
I was never more relieved than when the end of my shift came. I quickly strode off the beach and headed toward Harlow’s. I at least needed to check on him. After that, I’d go home and continue to give him the space he obviously needed, even if I hated being away from him.
Using the key Harlow gave me a couple of days ago, I unlocked the front door and pushed it open, immediately stopping on the threshold. My gut cramped, and my heart began to race.
It was quiet. Too fucking quiet. And Harlow’s car was still in the driveway, which meant he should have been at home.
Swallowing vomit, I rushed into the house, shouting his name. But no matter how many lights I turned on or how many doors I opened, no matter where I searched or how loud I yelled his name, he was no where to be found.
Choking back a sob, I tried calling him over and over, but I didn’t get an answer. I tried Colwyn next, my hands trembling so badly, I could barely scroll through my contacts to get to his name.
“Xavier?” he asked quietly.
I hiccuped. “Is Harlow with you?”
“Shit. He didn’t text you?” I sniffled, fucking hating that I was falling apart, but I was so goddamn scared I’d lost him. “Yeah, Xavier, he’s with me. He’s asleep. We’re about three hours from home. He’s okay.”
I sagged against the wall and slid down it until my ass met the cool tile. “Thanks,” I whispered before I hung up the phone. I dropped it to the floor and then buried my face in my hands, sobbing out my fear, letting it be replaced by relief.
Harlow was okay.
