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Saying all this while Alana stands here shirtless and horny feels like pure fucking insanity.
Am I really doing this? Am I really strong enough to turn my dream woman down while she’s half-naked and practically begging for me?
Alana’s hands wriggle out of mine, and then she slides them up my arms, touching me sweetly, causing lust to roar inside me again. “Do we…do we have to talk about this? Right now?”
“Yes, we do, dammit!” I argue, stomping my foot in frustration.
“But, why?” Her nostrils flare like she’s trying not to cry.
I growl, tossing my hands in the air. “Because I love you, Allie! I want you back. And this time, I don’t want bits and pieces. I want all of you, dammit. My life is hell without you. And I’m tired of playing this game onyourterms. I’m tired of you keeping me in the dark. I want you to tell me once and for all what we need to do to fix this. I think you owe me that.”
I see the battle waging on Alana’s face. She hesitates. And then she hesitates some more. I keep waiting, hoping the tense silence will motivate her to start talking.
But after the longest pause, she finally drops her eyes from mine and says, “I can’t…”
I nod slowly. I take a step back. “Fine.”
Disappointment zips through me as I turn for the door. I’m not doing this to myself anymore.
Alana takes a quick step forward. And before she can stop herself, the words just seem to tumble out. “I’m sorry, Davis. Just because we can’t be together doesn’t mean I won’t love you until my dying day.”
As sweet as it sounds, her declaration only makes me angrier. Steam fills my head. “Yeah. Okay. When you’re ready to tell me what the hell that means, you know where to find me.”
I stomp out the bedroom door, slamming it for good measure.
Yanking at the chain around my neck, the links to snap and I shove my old wedding band into my pocket.
Fuck it. I’m done.
I just barely remember to zip up my pants before I stalk out of the house and down the driveway to make the long walk home. Tomyhome.
Because I don’t belong here anymore.
33
ALANA
Pulling my fluffy robe around my bare shoulders, I stare out my bedroom window until I lose sight of Davis’s slumped silhouette retreating down the street.
Well, damn.
Thank god I already know that I giveah-mazing blowjobs. Or else I’d be developing a complex right now. I mean, the man ran off two seconds after his cock was in my mouth.
I’m wounded that Davis just walked out on me. But I know that his leaving had nothing to do with the sex.And even though I’m hurting, I understand.
Davis loves me.
And it was insensitive of me to bring him here to my house and force him to face our past, all while knowing that we have no future.
Gosh. It feels so wrong to refer to it asmyhouse. The deed may be in my name now, but in my heart, it will always be ours. Our house. Our home.
Without him, it just feels like four hollow walls containing all my pain.
This place used to be our happy home. Yet here I was, thoughtlessly rubbing it in his face, reminding him that this life is no longer his.
That was stupid of me.And selfish, too.
I’m mentally banging my head against the wall. Not physically—because I went to med school and know too much about head injuries—but mentally, I’m putting a big, old dent in my drywall.
