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“Talk to me, love…” he breathed softly, touching her cheek. “I know where I could see you,” he murmured, his voice achingly gentle as he traced the shell of her ear with his fingertip.
“Ian…” she protested, shivering slightly, but not moving.
“I know you are scared, but you aren’t scared of me. You’re scared of opening up and letting me in – but I’m already working my way into your world… and it’s where I desperately want to be,” he said tenderly, his fingertip now tracing her jawline in a caress as she shivered again.
“We should go,” she whispered, needing to compose herself. “I need a tissue and…”
“I’ve got a shirt sleeve,” he offered – and she laughed tearfully at him. It was just so classic a response from this carefree man… and an icebreaker. He smiled wryly at her. “It’s clean.”
“I’m sure it is,” she smirked, wiping her eyes with her hands.
“What room?” he prompted in a hushed voice, those beautiful lips curling at the edges.
“You cannot give up, can you?”
“Not when I’m picturing you there… in my head,” he admitted, not holding back. “I’m imagining you in a floor length robe in the early hours of the morning, rocking a baby in your arms, and singing softly…”
She stared up at him in disbelief and amazement, as her eyes filled with tears once more.
“Tell me,” he urged softly – and she broke, unable to fight this anymore.
“If I open myself up to having a future,” she sobbed painfully, her chest aching and hiccupping in the process, knowing she had to look an utter mess right now – yet it poured forward uncontrollably.
“To even dream of having a family or children, then that becomes a terrifying version of me - admitting that death is as final as I imagined it was. I feel like I’m saying goodbye to that stupid naïve girl who didn’t see the signs, that a part of me is in Mark’s grave, dead, because I’m not same person anymore… and it hurts to let go.”
Ian drew her into his arms, holding her close and smoothing her hair as the words just kept pouring from her, like a volcano expelling magma and leveling a path in its wake.
“If I even admit to wanting more in my life, that fear that I’m not good enough becomes real and tangible again,” she sobbed painfully, clenching at his t-shirt as she buried her face against his shoulder. “I buried that fear because Iwasgood enough to marry Mark… but that dumb girl that came from nothing? Found substance and confidence, making something of herself, and it was all destroyed… in a single hit of crack in some rundown apartment in another town,” she hiccupped and drew in a shaky breath that turned into a sob. “And I was such an idiot that I just didn’t know.”
“Shhh,” Ian whispered, kissing the top of her head and holding her as she cried painfully. “That girl is a fierce queen…regal, insanely confident, and incredibly sexy.”
She laughed tearfully against him, refusing to look up.
“And that beautiful queen? She hung onto all those fears, silent dreams, and ambitions because she needed to be strong enough to wait for her champion,” he murmured, leaning back and turning her face up towards him.
His eyes held hers unflinchingly.
“I’m not perfect by any means – but I am, and will always be, your friend,” he promised, his voice echoing in the silent house. “Someday, when you’re ready? We’ll celebrate your victory together.”
“I thought…”
“What?”
“I thought you were pushing me to… that you wanted, ah…”
“Yeah, I do,” he laughed softly, kissing the top of her hair once more. “I’m a red-blooded man who loves looking at his girl, of course I want more from you – but only if you feel it, too.”
June didn’t answer for several moments, just holding him there and treasuring the feeling of his arms around her. He kept smoothing his hand up and down her back, laying his cheek against her head, and holding her close… and she needed this so much.
“What is your favorite room?” she asked.
“The bedroom,” he answered simply in a hushed whisper. “Oh - and the entryway.”
That surprised her and she smiled.
“Why the entryway?”
“Because I got to carry you over the threshold and pretend that you were mine for a moment,” he admitted in a hushed voice, laying his cheek against her head once more. “I don’t think I will ever forget that.”
