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A hush falls over the rowdy crowd as Luca hands me the microphone. I steady the shake in my hands, knowing I need to keep this as light and quick as possible. “Hey there, beautiful people.” My voice is a purr as I address the crowd. “I’ve convinced this big lug at my side to make some changes around here,” I start.
Light laughter and some murmurs start rippling through the crowd. “Incorporating more stages, more dancers, new features, the whole works.”
The excitement becomes a buzz that fuels me to finish. “To do that, Steel Roses is going to have to close our doors temporarily.”
All muttering stops as people freeze.
“I know, I know. We hate it too, but I promise the wait will be worth it. So I have one last dance for you all tonight. This is my goodbye to all of you, my thank you for making this place what it is. We will miss all of you while we’re gone, but I promise it won’t be for long. The Roses will be coming back bigger and better than ever.”
I hand the mic back to Luca and he jumps off the stage. I focus on my breathing, trying to tune out the energy of the crowd. I don’t ever have to do that, it’s usually what I thrive on. I can feel their mix of excitement and disappointment. It’s too similar to how I’ve been feeling all week.
Change is always hard. Turning the page to a new chapter takes a strength that doesn’t have to do with your physicality or even the resilience of your mind. It has to do with the strength of your heart. To have the bravery to move forward. To start something new. To accept the losses being necessary in order to continue your own growth.
I pull myself back to my feet, leaning against the pole as I wait. The slow, almost soothing melody ofRainby grandson and Jessie Reyez starts playing. I tighten my hand around the pole, extending my arm straight so I can spin around with ease as he begins to sing.
My body sways with the song as I move slowly in a circle. At the first drop of the beat, I let my body fall as I look up at the ceiling. Only stopping myself from getting hurt by my grip on the pole and holding myself up about an inch from the floor of the stage.
The gasps of the crowd echo in my head. I ease my back down the rest of the way, extend my arm out straight to the pole before rolling my hips up. Using my free hand to brace the motion, I spread my legs above my head as I do a fish roll. Instead of finishing it out though, I let my right foot briefly touch the stage before pulling them back into the air and into the splits.
I push up on my hands to slowly drop my legs back to the stage. Every slight movement has to be controlled and timed right with this move. As my body bends over in on itself, I grab the pole with one hand again. One foot hits the stage, I brace with my arm around the pole, landing on the balls of my feet.
Instead of bending my knees to come out of the pose, I put all my weight on my arm. I keep my legs straight and pull myself back up into a standing position.
If my first dance was all pole work and the second was all floor work, this song is the perfect blend of both.
Climbing up the pole, I go as high as I can before wrapping my legs around it in a vice. I throw my arms back, arching my back until I can grab the pole with my hands once more. Leaving my legs above my head. I release them and drop them into scorpion before pushing them away from the pole, straightening them as I go.
My legs spread out in a v as I swing around the pole until I get about halfway down. I ease my legs back down underneath me, keeping my body in motion until my feet hit the ground once more.
I stop thinking and just let my body move. Forget I’m on a stage and just use dance to vent the frustration and hope and helplessness I’ve been feeling. A mix of emotions that have no right to all be felt at one time. But it’s like Declan always says, you can’t control what you’re feeling, Scarlett. So just let yourself feel it. You don’t always have to understand it.
I may hate it, but it's the only thing I can do. I make my peace with that with this dance. To this song that captures it all so fucking well.
The song comes to an end just as I finish a backbend roll. I prop myself up on my hands, lying flat on my belly, my feet in the air behind me. A single tear stains my cheeks as the crowd erupts in cheers. The atmosphere is heavy, heady in an abnormal way.
I get the feeling, I’m not the only one who shed a tear during my goodbye.
When it rainsit really does fucking pour.
I hate that cliches are cliches for a reason. Hate that they are so accurate.
As we were letting loose last night, enjoying one last night before having to shut down Steel Roses, Romano was making moves.
I knew he wouldn’t take everything we’ve been handing to him lying down. We said it over and over again. We made our decision because we knew that, so why did I think we could take a night off?
“Even if we hadn’t been at the club last night, we wouldn’t have been there.” Kade breathes down my neck as if he’s reading my mind.
My body vibrates as an uncontrollable rage storms inside of me. I don’t want to take out on him, but I don’t know that I can hold back either. I’m too angry. Angry at Romano, angry at the world, at myself. At them.
I keep my mouth shut. Too scared I’ll regret anything that comes out of my mouth right now.
I jump to my feet, leaving Kade behind on the couch as I move to our weapons closet and start pulling equipment out.
Luca catches my hand and attempts to pull me away from it but I shake him off.
“Knock it off, Letty. You aren’t going anywhere like this.”
“Fuck you,” I snap.
