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“Great.”
Emily pauses, her mouth slightly open like she wants to say something but isn’t sure.
“What is it?”
Her lips tilt up. “That obvious huh?” she jokes, rubbing her hands against the front of her shorts. “I’m just wondering why. Why keep your kid out of the water when you live so close to the beach? It’s so important that he learn how to—”
“I said no water and I shouldn’t have to explain my reasonings to you,” I tell her, my tone flat and irritated. “Please shut the door on your way out.”
I turn to my computer, though I’m still watching her in my peripheral vision. She stays seated for a long moment before she finally stands and heads for the door.
“You know, sooner or later, one of us is going to get exhausted by how angry you are at me all the time,” she says. “For Teddy’s sake, I hope it’s you that tires of it first.”
And then she walks out, leaving my door open behind her.
That night, I lie in bed, thinking over what she said to me as she left my office, the thing about one of us getting tired of me being angry.
What’s most frustrating about it is that it’s true. I’m already there. I’m already at the point where I’m tired of being angry all the time, but I don’t know what to do about it.
It’s constant. This steady, constant, pulsing frustration and anger at almost everything she does, even though I know she’s helping my son. Even though I know she’s doing the exact thing we hired her to do.
It’s driving me mad and clearly doing the same to Emily.
I toss and turn, trying not to wake Teddy, who crawled into bed with me around three in the morning.
The thoughts are still lingering as I watch Emily and Teddy chase each other around the next morning.
She really is good with him. Maybe even better than I am. Definitely better than Melody ever was, and damn isn’t that a bitter pill to swallow.
Teddy is going to have almost no memories of his real mother, a woman who rarely gave him time and attention because she was always working, among other less-above-board things. She rarely cuddled him, rarely laughed with him, rarely even stopped to kiss him before she was out the door each morning.
And now, he’s going to develop maternal feelings for Emily, his nanny. He’s going to look to her with warmth and love, wish she was the one putting him to bed, prefer the way she makes his sandwiches.
I drop my face into my hands and press the heels of my palms against my eyes, willing the sudden desperation I feel to go away.
How am I going to be a good father now that I’m doing it on my own?
Well, the first step to being a good dad to Ted is to be thankful that he’s getting the interaction and stimulation he needs. And that comes from Emily, whether I like it or not.
So I need to sort out this…unnecessary anger I have toward her.
Whether it’s because she put me in my well-deserved place at the bar or because she called me out on my shit when I refused to interview her, or even just because she’s a beautiful woman treading in the wake of the betrayal of another beautiful woman…I don’t really know.
But I need to figure it out, and soon, or I risk Teddy picking up on that anger, and I can’t have that.
***
“I was thinking today could be a good day to take Teddy to the beach.”
Emily’s eyes narrow in confusion at my words. I have to say, I feel a little confused by them myself, but hey, I’m trying.
“O…kay,” she replies. “Are you…telling me to go? Or did you want to take him yourself?”
“Well, I was thinking the three of us could go together. I figure if I come once, maybe my nervousness about you going without me will ease.”
She purses her lips slightly and nods her head. “Alright, well…I’ll start to get him ready. Does eleven sound good to you?”
I nod. “Sounds good.”
