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“Yeah, if I want to have Teddy ripped from my arms.”
My mother shakes her head.
“Think about it, Colton. Really think about it. Not from the overly emotional vantage point of a man who might lose his son, but from the perspective of a judge or court who has to decide what to do with all the information provided to them.”
Turning, I stare out the window again as my mother continues talking.
“If you go now and you find out Teddy isn’t yours, an attorney can say you had no previous knowledge and you’re just as eager to make sure everything is handled as quickly and justly as possible, for Teddy’s sake. A judge will have to take that into consideration when deciding what to do with Teddy.”
“Or,” my father interrupts, “if you refuse, the Carpenters’ attorney can make the argument that you knew you were probably not the father and you withheld that information. That then paints you in a completely different light. You become the bad guy and they’re just the sweet, loving grandparents trying to get their grandson back.”
I brace myself on the windowsill, all the hypotheticals beginning to drive me insane.
“And the last option, moving back to Charleston—well, you know we’d love to have you back near us, but not like this. You can be sure Verona is going to hold this over your head for the rest of your life, the possibility that Teddy isn’t yours a looming cloud that will allow her to control everything you do.”
“But I might lose him!” I yell, wishing this was my house so I could bash my knuckles into the wall, chuck something and watch it shatter. “I might lose my son!”
There’s a long pause, and then I feel my father’s hand, that same gentle hand that has helped me through many hard times before, come down softly on my shoulder. He gives me a gentle squeeze.
“You might lose him anyway, Colton,” he tells me, and when I look up and see tears in his eyes, I nearly break. “You just have to decide what kind of man you want to be for Teddy during this whole ordeal. Do you want to be the one who runs and hides? Or do you want to be the one who does things right? Who shows him how strong and brave and sure a man can be?”
At his words, I buckle again, leaning into him and letting out a soul-wrenching cry.
I’ve never known pain and fear like this before.
And it is my sincerest hope that I never know it again.
***
That night, when we get back to the house, Teddy is exhausted from his day at the pool. He’s half-asleep as I get him bathed and into his pajamas.
“You want me to read to you?” I ask as I carry him back into his room.
He shakes his head.
“No?”
“Ms. Emily.”
I grit my teeth but nod my head. “Let’s go see if Ms. Emily can read to you tonight.”
We walk to the end of the hall and give her door a knock, and when she tugs it open, I want to kiss the smile off her face. She’s freshly showered, her hair damp and lying loose over one shoulder, and she’s in those pajama shorts and tank top she was wearing the other night.
“Ms. Emily, read to me,” Teddy says, reaching out for her.
Emily laughs and accepts Teddy’s arms, lifting him out of my hands and settling him in against her hip.
“Really? You want me to read to you?”
He nods, his sleepy face looking calm and comforted as it rests against her shoulder.
“Alright, let’s go find a book then.”
I take a step back and watch the two of them, feeling like I’m about to crawl out of my skin.
Logically, I knew this day would come. I tried to mentally prepare myself for it, for the fact that Teddy would one day prefer Emily over me. And yet it doesn’t make it hurt any less.
***
