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The blinding sunshine offered no warmth as the chilled air bit and nipped at exposed skin, settling deep into the bones, causing teeth to rattle uncontrollably. Or was this a manifestation of sorrow?
Yet, the three who remained at the cemetery, standing alongside the open grave that nestled the ornate white casket covered by brown soil, refused to flee from the frigid wind.
Facing it head-on, they bore the cold as they did their grief, in tribute to a young woman whose life was extinguished too soon, like a deer caught in the crosshairs of a hunter’s bow whose fate has already been sealed.
One party, in particular, wished the casket would disappear, taking the nightmare with it. So many regrets. He had heard it said, and it was true “you always think you have all the time in the world.”
Azul Samson was a large man, his strength aided him in serving his community as a firefighter. Six foot, four inches tall, with lean muscles. Azul’s features, some would say, were serious and severe due to ancestry. His complexion appeared as though he were always basking in the sunshine, baked by the sun’s rays.
Many would guess he was Hawaiian or possibly even Samoan but would become confused when they reached his midnight blue, monolid almond-shaped eyes, which paid homage to both parents’ Filipino and Spanish heritage. Azul inherited a darker, more vivid version of his mother, Davina’s eye colour.
In contrast, the shape of his eyes were inherited from his father, Armani. His presence led one to believe that he should be in charge, that he knew what was best. Presently, he knew nothing but the soul-crushing agony of loss.
Today his skin held a pallor. His eyes were dull, having no emotion as they failed to convey the intense anger and anguish he felt pulsating through his soul.
Back at the church, he was mildly annoyed when Crystal's Aunt Louise had taken his hands into her clammy grip and, with that adenoidal voice of hers, announced, “The sun is shining because God is welcoming home an angel.”
What the hell was that even supposed to mean? He looked away quickly to spare her from a glare that he wished would obliterate her on the spot.
She would be the first, but certainly not the last. Half of the packed church attendees made their way to him offering some variation of their trite platitudes. All this managed to do was cause rage to burn in the pit of his stomach.
By the time family and friends had taken their leave from the graveside, Azul’s shoulders were so stiff that his chest felt as if there were a band around them, his jaw visibly ticked, while the bags under his eyes jumped. His fingers curled together to form a tight ball as he actively fought the urge to break someone’s face for the meaningless and hollow words.
The ceremony had been long, excessively so, but he only had himself to blame. Azul couldn’t bring himself to be a part of the planning. He had left it to his and Crystal’s Mother... and that bitch.
“I can’t plan this, but I trust you both to honour Crystal’s life. All I ask is that Amber not attend my wife’s funeral.” Azul had pleaded with both his and Crystal’s mother, fighting to keep his voice steady.
“Azul, you will look back on this decision and regret it. Amber not only needs to be there, but she also needs to help plan. She knows better than anyone what my daughter would want.” He couldn’t deny Maggie’s request, she had just lost her only child.
Azul could see her on the other side of the grave with huge dark sunglasses covering half of her face. He had refused to acknowledge her at the church as she reached out her shaking hand trying to touch his arm. He had jerked it away before her hand could make contact. Azul had caught the tears welling up in her eyes before she briskly walked away.
“Azul!” His mother admonished, with a stern shake of her head. Azul ignored the disappointment in the eyes of his, Amber and Crystal’s parents. Amber’s parents’ house was a second home to him as a teenager because his best friend, his ‘brother’ Corey and he were inseparable.
Amber’s shoulders trembled while tears bathed her dark honey-coloured cheeks. She remained there with her arms at her side and her hands balled in tight fists until she finally registered the frost in the air. Amber sucked in a cold breath, exhaling the bitterness of her loss, allowing the muscles in her body to release some tension.
Amber always had a ready smile and would take the shirt off her back to help a stranger. That was the Amber that Azul had watched grow up. The one he had met when she was three years old. The same individual was the reason why Crystal and Azul had gotten together in the first place.
Corey wanted to both comfort his brother Azul and pummell him all at once, knowing that he had suffered a terrible loss yet how he was treating his baby sister was inexcusable. He had not addressed it yet, his friend was going through it, but the time was quickly approaching when they would have it out.
“Come on, man, let’s go to the house Azul, people will be arriving soon.” Azul didn’t respond. Turning away, he walked to the car.
Pausing mid-step as Corey began speaking, Azul listened as his friend checked in on his sister.
“Amber, you should get going. I don’t want you staying here by yourself.” She remained quiet, not responding to him, setting off warning bells.
“On second thought, you know what, why don’t you ride back with us?” Corey implored.
Azul tried to block out her voice.The voice that a few hours ago had been steady while it sang ‘Gone Too Soon.’
“No, I’m alright, Corey. I just need a few moments. My car is back at the church, it isn’t far.” He was happy she declined. He would have rather walked home than ride in the same car as her.
It had been an hour since Azul returned home and took up residence in the chocolate brown armchair situated in the corner of the living room. He sat ramrod straight, shoulders tense. His knuckles were white with the strain of the tight grip he had on his knees. Corey grasped Azul's shoulders and immediately released it before sitting in the armchair four feet away. They sat in silence for a few moments before Azul finally asked, “Are you on a mission, or is this a friendly visit?”
“Mission, definitely mission.”
“Run down?”
“All the moms are worried about you. They are convinced you are going to fall apart at the seams. You haven't moved from this spot since you got home.”
