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I thought about the last time I’d seen Valerie over coffee. “If they do, they’ll never tell. His mom is furious at me. But Bowie hired people to watch them and to watch me, too, and they haven’t seen any sign of Ward anywhere.”
She twisted in her seat, looking out the back window. “There’s someone watching us right now?” I nodded. “But they’re only watching you,” Aubin said. “Right? There’s no one following anyone else around, not me or Dad. Right?”
“No,” I said. “What are you worried about?”
“Nothing.” She got out of the car and gestured to me to follow, and we went into the store together. I was dress-shopping with my sister, which would have been a dream for me not too long ago. I would have loved to pick out clothes with her, and Aubin helping me with my wedding would have seemed like too much to even contemplate. After all, Ward’s mom had done the prom stuff and I’d assumed that she would be the one to nail down the wedding details with me, too.
But here was my sister giving a salesperson a look of total death when she suggested a white dress with a ton of beading on the top. “Have you seen how big she is? Do you think it’s a good idea to drown her in embellishments?” Aubin asked haughtily. I had to get a gown that they had on hand, so it was lucky that there were a few that they could alter quickly. I’d had no idea how long it took to get a wedding dress ordered and fitted just right.
I sat in a little robe and waited in the dressing room while my sister looked at the last one that I’d tried and frowned at it. “I don’t like ivory for you,” she said. “It’s not right with your skin.”
“Is this where you bought your dress?”
“Oh.” She looked over at me. “I forgot that you didn’t come shopping with us.”
“No, I didn’t know the other bridesmaids as well so you thought it might have been awkward,” I reminded her. “It was a smaller crowd than the whole wedding party. I understood,” I added, because she got a weird expression again, kind of like the one in the car when I’d thought she might have been crying. I stood up from the stool and walked to her, now very concerned. “Aubin? What’s the matter?”
“And she wouldn’t tell me,” I said later to Bowie. “She was almost crying, too! Aubin! Crying!” I shook my head in wonder and dismay. “You would have to know her to understand how crazy that is. She never, ever cries. She says it makes you seem weak and the only thing it’s good for is ruining your makeup.”
“Ok, so your sister was upset about something.” He twirled the noodles around his fork and slurped. “Excuse me,” he said. “This is delicious. What do you call it?”
“Whole wheat udon. I made them this morning before work and class and I cooked them when I got back from the bridal salon,” I said briefly. “But about Aubin—”
“I hope that the dress search didn’t end up about your sister instead of you,” he interrupted and I stopped and thought about that.
“No, it was about me. We found a dress, too.”
“Good,” he said. “And whatever problem she has, she kept it to herself, right? She didn’t want to talk about it.”
“No, she didn’t.”
“So you don’t need to worry about it,” he concluded, and it sounded reasonable but he hadn’t seen my sister’s face, and he didn’t understand how strange this was for her. Aubin was always in control of herself, always. I’d seen her sprain an ankle onstage and dance her way off like it was purposeful, and then only crush a water bottle in her fist to show how much it had hurt.
“Tell me about the dress.”
“I can’t tell you, because you’re the groom,” I said, and I watched him start to smile. “It’s bad luck.” And really, we had enough going against us already.
“It’s red, though, right?” he asked. “Because when I dreamed about my wedding, I always had a bordello theme in mind.”
“It’s red on the bottom but sheer mesh on the top. I thought your mother would probably like that,” I told him, but he didn’t smile bigger or even laugh. Instead, his eyes dropped to my breasts, which I immediately covered with crossed arms. “Did you really have ideas about your wedding?” I asked to get us off the subject of my chest. I also wanted to distract myself from the funny, wiggling feeling in my stomach.
“No. I can honestly say, I never thought twice about it. Did you?” When I didn’t answer right away, he nodded and then he put down his fork. “You pictured a different groom,” he stated.
“The last time I thought about getting married, what I imagined was me crying at the altar. I won’t be doing that with you,” I said.
“No, I’m not going to make you cry.”
There was a long moment of silence and the mood had changed a lot. He’d stopped eating and he needed to, and I also wanted him to drink the seaweed concoction in his glass because his color still wasn’t right. “Remember my speech at Aubin’s wedding?” I asked to lighten things. “Maybe she’ll want to talk at ours to get back at me for the show I put on.”
“I really don’t remember your speech as being that bad. I do remember that you were so cute in the pink dress.”
“What? You really thought that?” I asked skeptically, but he nodded. “And you really didn’t think my speech was a train wreck? Bowie, I’ve seen the video of it. I’ve watched it many times and it was terrible.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t think so. Mostly I was thinking that you looked taller than you usually do.”
“You remembered how tall I was from before that wedding?” I asked, and he shrugged. “Well, yes, I was wearing super-high heels to try to blend with the rest of the bridesmaids because they were all so graceful and beautiful. I was ridiculously nervous that day. I don’t usually get stage fright, not after performing so much in my life, but I was sick about it. It was like some kind of nightmare standing up there and then my mind going blank.”
“Why’d you get so nervous? I’ve been to plenty of weddings and I don’t ever have expectations about the speeches. They’re mostly pretty bad.” He was eating again, which I was glad about.
