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We have a few more sappy moments. He’s more emotional than I would have expected, but nothing could have made me happier.
When we recover and lounge for a little longer on the window seat together, it’s almost one thirty and Arthur has an online meeting scheduled to sort out details of the business reorganization with one of his cousins.
I glance outside to where Billy is playing fetch with Fred after coming to retrieve him with the lunch dishes.
Arthur leans over and says against my ear, “I love you.”
There’s a crash of joy in my heart, but on its heels something else cracks. Cracks inside my brain. Like a mirror fragmenting around a broken image.
I gasp and wince at a sharp pain in my head. Then I close my eyes and breathe through the resulting dizziness.
“Baby, what is it?” Arthur is trying to lift my head so he can see my face. “What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know. It’s like something hit me. Like déjà vu but a lot more intense.” I breathe deeply, trying to clear my mind enough to assess what just happened. “It felt like... It felt like I’ve lived through that moment before.”
“Which one?”
“You behind me, telling me you love me.” I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to see it again, match it with the fragmented image in my head. “Shit, it’s so weird. I’ve never felt it so intensely before.”
“Have you felt it before? Other times?” He’s urgent now, framing my face in his big hands and meeting my eyes demandingly. “Have you been remembering things?”
“I always thought they were just... just dreams. They were always about things I wanted.” I can’t look him in the eye anymore. It makes my head ache. I pull away and stare at the floor. “Are you saying they’re real memories?”
“What are they?”
“Random things. Being close to you. Wiping hot chocolate from your lip. Kissing you. Having... Having...”
I trail off as something obvious—crystal clear—finally sharpens in my brain. “They’re real? So we... we were together before? Before I lost my memory?” My heart is sinking into my gut. Everything that was so fluttery just a few minute ago is growing hard and heavy and cold.
A quick peek at his face reveals the truth.
He still looks worried, urgent, so gentle.
But he also looks guilty.
“We were... together?”
He slowly inclines his head.
“We were... in love?”
His jaw works a moment before he admits, “Yes.”
“And you... You didn’t tell me? You lied—” My voice gets shrill. Breaks a few times. I jerk to my feet and turn so my back is to him. I inhale raggedly, trying to catch my breath.
“Scarlett, please let me explain. Please don’t assume the worst.”
It takes an inhuman effort to quell the outrage inside me, but I manage to do so enough to turn around and face him again. “Okay. Please explain then.”
“We were...” His head jerks away like he’s fighting deep emotion. But he controls it quickly. “We were together before. It happened slowly. Over time. It was exactly as I said at the beginning. I felt bad for you, and you didn’t have anyone else. I wasn’t... I didn’t think that way about you at the beginning. But we got to know each other. We got to like each other. And we... We fell in love.”
“Was it... Was it like it is between us now?”
“Yes. It grew differently this time, but the way we are together now is the way we were together back then. I thought... I hoped... I wasn’t sure if you’d ever remember. I thought I’d lost you. So the fact that we... that it’s happened a second time feels like a miracle to me.”
I want to reach out for him. Hug the broken ache out of his expression. But he didn’t only love me. He lied to me.
“I can understand that. It must have been... horrible for you. I can’t even imagine having the person you love wake up, not remembering that you were ever together. But why didn’t you just... just tell me?”
