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His smile is electric, thoroughly pleased with the title I gave myself. “Yes. It is. And yes, I know you’re aware I have a kid,” he says, as his eyes hold mine with a particular intensity, but with some trepidation too. “I want you to be a part of my life. Ofourlife. Do you want to?”
My heart melts a little more. I run my fingers along his cheek. “Oh Finn. I do. I don’t know much about kids. But I know you’re a package deal. And you being a father was never something that worried me.”
“Good. And yes, I want to go to the New York Public Library event with you. Zach and I would love to,” he says.
“I can’t wait,” I say, picturing it already. The three of us. I never imagined I’d want to hang out with a single father and his young son, but I never imagined a man like Finn—bossy, dirty, loving, giving.
I want all of him, and I want to know his son too. I just do. It’s that simple.
He leans over and kisses me quickly. “Are you hungry?”
“Is this a trick question?”
Thirty minutes later, we’re half-dressed and eating spicy noodles on my couch. Since I’ve grown tired of beating around the bush, I face the big issue head-on. “What should we do about my father?”
He sighs, setting down the chopsticks. “That’s the question. And honestly, I haven’t felt much inclination to run or bike or swim with him.”
“Because of what I told you in Giverny?” I ask, a little surprised at the rift. They seemed so close.
His eyes are hard. “Yes. Because even before you became mine, you felt like mine. I would never let anyone hurt you. Including your father.” There’s no question in his tone. He’s chosen.
I’m floored. I didn’t expect him to choose me. But he did. Maybe because of what I told him, or maybe because of how he feels for me. Either way, it’s a lot to absorb. “Really?”
“Yes, really,” he says, emphatic. “When we did our triathlon, I said something to him.”
I flinch. “You did?”
He sits up straighter. “I would never break your trust. I didn’t reveal what you told me. Instead I talked generally about regrets. About the things we say, and the things we don’t say. I couldn’t leave it untouched.”
I breathe deep in relief. “I talked to him, Finn. Last night.” I don’t reveal my father’s confidences either. Those aren’t mine to share. But I desperately want him to know that he doesn’t have to protect me here. “And…I think we’re going to be okay. I forgive him, and he wanted to be forgiven.”
Finn’s smile is soft and sad. “Maybe it was supposed to work out this way.”
Instantly, I know what he means. “You give him up? I get him back?”
Finn swallows roughly, while nodding. “Yes. Maybe this was always supposed to be our path. Our needs changed. I need you more than I need him. And you needed him back on your side.”
There’s a certain poetry to that. To the choices we’re both making. Neither one of us was ready to make this choice before Paris. Or even after Paris. But maybe the missing over these last few weeks was enough. For me though, it was facing the past so I could move into a future I choose.
“I did need him back,” I admit.
Will my father stay on my side after he learns I’m with Finn? I think so. I trust that my father’s love for me runs deep. We’ll weather it. We’ve survived something infinitely harder.
“What will we tell him? And how?” I ask, wanting to organize this talk like it’s a location shoot I’m coordinating.
Finn wraps an arm around me. “I’ll do whatever you need. You come first. Do you want me to tell him? Do you want to? Do you want to do it together?”
Those are good questions. “I think the answer is together.”
“Name the time,” he says, but then hedges. “But can we do it after we get Tiramisu?”
I blink, amused. “Is that the name of your dog?”
“And my favorite dessert,” he says, like he’s pleased with his dog-naming abilities.
I seriously fell in love with the best man. “Yes, we can do it after.”
“Oh, and Jules, I want you to come with us when we adopt him or her tomorrow.”
