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“They never wanted any part of it, I swear. They were just trying to protect you!” Holden says in a pleading tone.
“Protect me from what!” I holler, throwing my hands up.
“From the horny stepbrother sleeping down the hall! What do you think, Rose?! Holden is a foster kid from the system who’s spent his entire life wanting what he can’t have. The unbelievably beautiful girl who showed him kindness but never expected anything from him?” Nash sighs, grabbing Ren and dragging him to the door. “You two need to talk,” and with those parting words, Nash walks out, slamming the door along the way. “Accident!” he shouts from the other side as I turn back to Holden.
“You don’t need to tell me anything,” I say, hating the look of pain and fear in his eyes. To make my point, I grab his arm, lace our fingers together, and run my other hand over the scars I’ve seen many times. “There are some things no one should ever be pressured into sharing. That's not what I was asking, you know that, right? I just wanted to know if you were the reason they were dicks for two years,” I try to tease, but he doesn't even smile.
“He’s not wrong. Nash and Ren…they saw right through me back then. I guess I didn’t hide it well.” Holden takes my other hand in his and pulls until I’m standing between his spread legs. The way he’s looking up at me makes my chest ache.
* * *
“Fall Into Me” by Forest Blakk
HOLDEN
I remember the first time I saw Rose. We were just kids. It was before…all the damage. I remember the moment I realized I wanted more from her than she could give too.
She wasn’t my stepsister yet. Just my best friend’s twin. It’d only been a couple of weeks since my abuser went to prison. I was still chest deep in fucking trauma, barely breathing. It felt like I was drowning in it some days.
Fourteen-year-old Rose handed me an ice cream sandwich as I sat on her back porch, waiting for Nix to finish his homework.
“Want to talk about it?”she’d asked. When I shook my head no, she didn’t push or try to fish for answers like everyone else.“Want a hug?”she’d said, her arms opening wide.
I leaned into her, letting her hold me. I couldn’t stand being touched then. But when I wrapped my arms around her smaller body, all I could feel was relief.
She was offering comfort, not expecting anything in return. Rose doesn’t see herself the way I do. She never has.
If she did, she’d never doubt herself again. Rose isn’t a fuck-up. She’s my safe haven.
Maybe it’s time I tell her that.
CHAPTER THIRTY TWO
“Train Wreck” by James Arthur
ROSE
“You don’t have to tell me anything,” I say again, not wanting him to dig up his past if it hurts him.
“You should know. You deserve to know,” he insists, but I shake my head.
“No, that's not true. I deserve only as much as you’re okay with sharing. I won’t ask you to give me a piece of you if the cost is your peace,” I insist, wanting to pull away from the vulnerability I see in his eyes.
“I paid the price for this a long time ago, Rose. Telling you won’t cost me anything.” He swallows, and I break my hands free from his, cupping his face. He looks up at me with blue eyes so haunted, I wonder how I never saw it before. How deep his pain runs.
Because he hides it so well.
“Okay, tell me anything. Nothing you say will make me see you negatively. You’ll always be the one who shows up when I need you. Now, it’s my turn to be here for you.” Unsure how to make him believe me, I lean forward and press a gentle kiss to his forehead.
Holden takes a shuddered breath, pulls me into him, and rests his head against my chest. “My foster mom was…r-raping me,” he whispers so softly, but I hear the words.
A vicious, angry monster rears back inside me and threatens to rip from my chest as his words sink in. I knew it was bad, but hearing him say the words with so much pain…
The rage burns so violently through my body that my hands start shaking. I hold my breath, keeping the cry trapped in my aching throat. He needs me to be strong.
I wrap my arms around Holden’s neck and cradle his head against my chest as I feel him shake.
“Oh, Holden,” I whisper, dropping my face until my lips press to his head, and I breathe in his scent.
