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I’m just trying to protect us both.
CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN
“One More Light” by Linkin Park
ROSE
Five days later, I’m sitting on the couch at the frat house while Nash kicks Rome's ass as they play Xbox games. Rome is barely paying attention, though.
I’m reading a romance novel I picked up at the school's library. The Ritual by Shantel Tessier. This book is intense, but I’m oddly obsessed.
I’m pulled out of the craziness when Holden walks into the living room. He steps in front of the TV, making Nash protest until we look up and see the look on Holden’s face.
I jump to my feet, the book falling to the floor, forgotten. “What? What's wrong?” I demand as my eyes search his body for any sign to explain the devastation written across his face.
“Ph–” His voice breaks as my heart races in my chest, threatening to break free. “Phoenix…he’s…” Holden swallows, tears fill his eyes, and he looks away from me, focusing on Nash as Ren walks into the room.
“He’s what?!” I urge, stepping toward my stepbrother. “Is he okay? Is he hurt?”
“He’s gone,” Holden whispers, making me frown.
“Gone where? What do you mean gone?” I push, reaching out and grabbing Holden’s arms, shaking him. My phone rings, but I ignore it. “Holden!” My stepbrother just stares at me sightlessly. He doesn’t answer, and it only flusters me more. I pull my phone out, about to call my mother, when my phone rings again.
What the hell?
“Scott?” My voice shakes as I answer the call from my stepfather. He never calls. Just mom… “What’s going on, what’s wrong?”
“I’m so sorry, Rose. It’s Nix. There was a fire. He didn’t make it out in time. There was too much smoke. He’s dead, Rose–” Whatever else Scott might have said is forgotten as my phone falls from my hands, clattering to the floor.
My legs shake, so I sit. I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them as I process the words. I look up at Holden, who hasn’t moved.
“Nix is dead? Nix?” I ask, and Holden nods once.
“Phoenix?” I hear Nash ask from behind me, but the rest turns to static as my head buzzes. My vision darkens from hyperventilating, but I can’t control it.
“No,” I shake my head, my heart refusing to believe what my mind already knows is true. “No,” I cry, dropping my head to my knees and sobbing.
Pain, like I’ve never known before, steals my breath and breaks my heart. Shaking my head, I reach for my phone, calling Nix. I hear his voice when the call goes straight to voicemail. I call over and over, but it’s useless. Nix isn’t going to answer.
Comforting hands reach for me, but I can’t take it…so I find the strength to drag myself off the floor and climb the stairs until I’m locking myself in my room. I don’t think. I can’t. I just act. I mindlessly stuff things into a bag. I need to go home. Mom needs me…
“Oh, Mom,” I whisper. My pain is nothing compared to hers, yet it threatens to drag me to the bottom of the ocean under waves of unrelenting grief.
“Rose.” Someone steps into my room, saying my name. I ignore him. I’m a breath away from shattering. “Look at me,” Holden begs, but I shake my head. I can’t see his face. His pain will only magnify my own.
“Please don’t,” I beg, closing my eyes and taking in a ragged breath. “I’m barely– I’ll break,” I whisper and hear Holden suck in a shaking breath.
“There are no flights home until tomorrow, I already got us tickets. I’m going to pack if you need me.” His voice is tight with emotion, and I manage to keep the worst of my sobs contained until my door closes, and I’m alone.
I don’t know how much time passes when my door is opened again. Nash stands there, red-rimmed, hazel eyes staring at the floor.
“Rose,” he whispers, his voice breaking. He lost his best friend. Our Nix… I shake my head again and again, wishing I could escape this pain.
“It hurts,” I cry, clutching my chest as I search my room for any relief. “It hurts…” There’s nothing here. The next thing I know, I’m storming past Nash, out of my room, down the stairs, and into the kitchen. I grab the first bottle I see. I don’t care what it is.
I open it, tossing the lid to the floor and taking several big gulps until my eyes water from the burn.
I hiss, as I suck in a breath, but lift it back to my lips, chugging.
