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ROSE
“I said, go back to the party!” Nix shouts, but I shake my head.
“You’re drunk! Have you forgotten about the college scouts coming to your game tomorrow?! Do you want to be too hung over to perform?” I scold my very wasted twin as his words slur, and he can hardly keep his eyes open.
I picked him up five minutes ago, tricking him into the car with the promise of more booze. Once he was buckled in, I headed straight for home.
“Fuck that,” Nix slurs, undoing his seatbelt and reaching for the door handle.
“Stop!” I scream, but Nix just chuckles. He throws his hands up, turning to me. I slow down, now worried he might actually try to jump out of a moving car.
“Chill, sis, just turn back.” He reaches for the wheel, and I swat his hand away.
“No, you jackass! We’re going home!” I snap, but not one to back down, Nix glares.
He moves fast, too fast for me to react, and I watch in horror as he grabs the wheel with both hands and yanks.
I try to hit the brakes, but it's no use. The car swerves off the road and flips. I scream as we fly. Then with a sickening crunch, everything comes to a stop.
“Nix!” I scream, sitting up in bed. I’m covered in sweat and panting as tears soak my cheeks. “Fuck,” I curse as the room I’m in comes into view. Checking the clock, I see that it’s only two in the morning. There’s no fucking way I’m going back to sleep after that…
I’m pulling off the blankets and climbing out of bed when my bedroom door flies open. Holden searches the room frantically.
“What's wrong? Are you okay?!”
“Go back to bed, it was just a nightmare,” I whisper, turning away from him. I’m still in the clothes Nissa put on me this morning. I think I remember her leaving with her parents earlier.
“Shit,” Holden sighs, walking over to me. He reaches for me like he’s going to hug me, but I scramble away from him.
“Get out, Holden,” I hiss, making him stumble to a stop, blue eyes wide.
“Rose?” he whispers, and I hold my hand up.
“I can’t. My own pain is more than I can bear. I need space, please…” I beg, sniffing. I need…to leave. I shove away from him, run out of the room, and head for the liquor cabinet.
I grab two bottles and head out the back door. The swing set. Somehow still standing, swings intact, I make my way there. Opening a bottle of who knows what, I drink.
I cough and hiss but take another swig. Three days. Nix’s funeral is in three days.
I can make it three days if I spend most of it drunk.
Right?
CHAPTER THIRTY NINE
“Silence” by Marshmello feat. Khalid
ROSE
I stand outside the open double doors, watching as strangers filter into the funeral home. Each unfamiliar face greets my mother and father, expressing their condolences.
My black dress hangs down to my knees, but the halter top feels like it's choking me as it wraps around my neck like a vice.
My knees shake with every step I take further into the room. My hands tremble, and my lungs burn from holding my breath. The room is packed. Every seat is taken. Nix was well-loved.
He’s in there. In that dark blue metal canister. The one my mother will take home tonight. There are dozens of flower arrangements that will only die in a week, but they are beautiful.
I press my fingers to the necklace that rests against my chest. Nix’s fingerprint. I lock my eyes on the wall straight ahead as a hush falls over the room. Or maybe that's just my own mind blocking everyone out.
