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“A palette cleanser? Yeah, no probs.” He took a seat by her side and scratched at his short hair. “You all right, boss?”
Charlie swallowed. She liked her clerk; he’d been solid for years. “It’s been a hectic few weeks.”Charlie brushed off his query, but her mind had been whirring with questions about Elda since the launch night at the mill, wondering why she hadn’t gone in for a kiss.
“You’ve not been yourself this past month.”
She followed his line of sight to the painting of a horse, a relic of the previous barrister, and she wondered why she kept it in the office.Why do I shrink into this place? Why can’t I be myself?“Maybe we should get some new pieces in here. These old prints are so dated.” She wasn’t convincing anyone, but she didn’t have the energy to unpick what was happening. She thought of her cold, silent three-bedroomed house. She had once loved the sanctuary it provided but recently, it felt empty. Unscrambling her feelings for Elda was unsettling.
“Well, if you fancy bending my ear over a couple of drinks, you know where I am. It wouldn’t go any further. Clerk’s honour.” He tipped an imaginary cap towards the horse.
“This job takes its toll, doesn’t it?” She was talking to herself as much as Joshua, pondering how she’d prioritised her career over her life for so long.
“Well, I’ve seen people work all hours, if that’s what you mean. And sacrifice things. Parents’ evenings and dinner dates are the first to go. Yeah, it takes its toll.” He faced Charlie, his shirt sleeves stretching around his biceps. “People put up walls, I think. You have to with the kind of stuff you see. But I don’t think it’s healthy to keep it all inside. You need to talk, if you can.”
It wasn’t the most eloquent of points, but she understood what he was getting at. She’d built a ten-foot wall around herself over the last few years. People were allowed in a night at a time, but just into her bed, never into her head.
Elda appeared in her mind’s eye. She could hear the gentle tone of her voice and almost feel the soft, downy hairs on the top of her forearm. “You’re right. People in this place keep everyone at a safe distance. Maybe it’s time to take a chance.”
Joshua tilted his head, opening his mouth as if to speak then shutting it. A shadow appeared at the door, and they both turned. It was Clarissa, a third junior from the front desk.
“Sorry to interrupt. There’s a lady for you at reception, miss.”
“Who is it?” Charlie asked while Joshua leafed through the paper diary searching for an appointment he’d forgotten.
“She just said to tell you that Kim was here, if you’re available.”
She let out a long sigh.
“You okay?”
Charlie was brought back into the room by Joshua’s fingers on her forearm, and she snapped a smile on her face, even though her chest grew hot with alarm. “Yep. Clarissa, please show Kim into meeting room three. It’ll be free; I had it booked for case prep. I’ll be there in two minutes.” She rose, grounding herself. “Don’t offer her a drink. We won’t be long.”
She shrugged off the feeling of Joshua watching her every move and strode the ten steps down the corridor to her own office. Charlie perched on her chair and tugged at a heavy drawer. She picked out a small dusty mirror and inspected her flushed cheeks before returning it to the drawer. Her gaze rested on the photo of Theresa and her younger self, a teenager fixed in time, her arms draped around the girl she loved. Memories of their laughter flooded her vision, and she blinked her tears away.
A shiver ran across her shoulders and brought her back into the present. She lifted her head and walked towards room three. She gripped the cold steel of the handle and took a breath to brace herself for whatever state Kim would be in this time. It had to be bad for her to come to the office.
Kim looked tiny in the expanse of the conference room. She sat in a corner, hunched over the table, massaging her temples. “Charlotte. Jesus, I thought you weren’t coming. The girl at the desk seemed a bit dithery, to be honest, and I had to practically beg her to come and find you. Before you say anything, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to come and bother you, but I’ve got no choice this time.”
“Sit down, Kim. This can’t take long.” She stood behind a chair.
“Yeah, but you don’t understand, things are really bad, and I can’t think of what to do. I need your help to figure it all out again. Work out what’s going on, and how to straighten it.” She fell silent and rested her head on the table.
“You can’t come to my work. You know that.” Charlie controlled the pitch, speed, and volume of each word. She sat down and leaned back into the chair. Kim’s face was so like Theresa’s, she could trace it with her eyes closed. But this was a softer version, baggier around the cheekbones, grey not pink, drawn not flushed. The eyes in front of her were sunken, but the ones in her memories sparkled with joy. She shook away the story playing in her mind and gripped the table in front of her. “Tell me exactly what’s wrong. But be quick because I don’t have much time.”
“I can’t cope. It’s the kids. They’re all over the place. I didn’t get that job. It was too much, because they needed me to work shifts, and I’ve got no one to look after Jacob. Darren’s working all hours, so he can’t help. And the money’s gone, and it wasn’t enough. We just haven’t got enough. Chloe needs a new school skirt and a pair of shoes. The girls at school are bullying her for it.” Her voice broke, and her face etched in pain.
“Okay. I get it. How much?” An itch crawled across Charlie’s chest.
“Just enough to get us to the end of the month, love. You know, a couple of hundred or so.”
“Right. Let’s leave it there, shall we? I’ll drop it through the door.” Charlie flinched as Kim’s cold hand rested on hers. A part of her was used to reassuring people in the hardest moments, and she gave Kim’s skinny fingers a squeeze. “It’ll be fine.”
Kim’s eyes brimmed with tears. “You’re a good girl. The best. I’m lucky to have you.”
“I don’t mind helping out, but please don’t come to the office again. I have to work and can’t have people turning up unexpectedly.”
“I know. It won’t happen again.” Kim stood to gather herself. She pulled her coat tight to her neck and pushed buttons through their holes. There were two missing. “Thank you, love. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“I’ll sort it this week. It’s a busy one, but I’ll drop it off.”
